101 Uses for a Long Thumb Nail
Taking up the question of why do I grow my nails out, I have comprised the following list. Please note that the two most common uses among others who have long nails—guitar pick and cocaine spoon—are specifically not included. I am trying to get beyond the obvious. Plus, since I have never done cocaine (snorted from my own nail or otherwise) I can’t honestly list it as a use except in theory.
In other words, the list below is made up of things I have actually done with my nails.
If you have a use for a nail that is not on the list, please let me know.
deadly weapon [eye gouge, throat slitter, etc.]
letter opener
precision pointer
extra scratching power
cleaning ears
cleaning other nails
screwdriver
pry a key ring apart
scrape orange rind and/or peel from orange
de-shell a hard boiled egg
crack open any egg
nose picker
paint chipper/peeler
pimple popper
mini-scoop
post for aiming/shooting rubber bands
bug killer/bisector
cleaning spectacle frames
toothpick
untying knots
resin scraper
bursting bubbles and balloons
roach clip [not recommended]
unit of measurement
separating stuck pages
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tweezer (only if another nail on the hand is grown out too)
prying apart shellfish
de-linting bellybutton
cleaning between keys on a keyboard
nipple/clitoral stimulation [not recommended]
scraping off dried candle wax
separating wax from cheese
general purpose flicking
breaking open plastic wrap seals [especially on new cd's]
post to tie a tea steeper from
thumb tack remover
staple remover
pricking baked potatoes before baking
de-pimentoing olives
hors d’oeuvre skewer
splitting open english muffins
scratching off lottery tickets
turning pages
general purpose eating utensil
peeling prize stickers off cups
pushing stuck coins through the slot
opening nut shells
weed picker
cat toy [warning: heavy chew factor]
using controls on a Palm OS
scraping the char off of burnt toast
massive advantage when playing thumb wrestling
scraping off dried liquid paper
key [requires extensive filing/sculpting and tons of nail strengthener]
stencil for Styrofoam
separating/lifting Monopoly cards/deeds apart