101 Uses for a Long Thumb Nail



Taking up the question of why do I grow my nails out, I have comprised the following list.  Please note that the two most common uses among others who have long nails—guitar pick and cocaine spoon—are specifically not included.  I am trying to get beyond the obvious.  Plus, since I have never done cocaine (snorted from my own nail or otherwise) I can’t honestly list it as a use except in theory.

In other words, the list below is made up of things I have actually done with my nails.

If you have a use for a nail that is not on the list, please let me know.


  1. deadly weapon [eye gouge, throat slitter, etc.]

  2. letter opener

  3. precision pointer

  4. extra scratching power

  5. cleaning ears

  6. cleaning other nails

  7. screwdriver

  8. pry a key ring apart

  9. scrape orange rind and/or peel from orange

  10. de-shell a hard boiled egg

  11. crack open any egg

  12. nose picker

  13. paint chipper/peeler

  14. pimple popper

  15. mini-scoop

  16. post for aiming/shooting rubber bands

  17. bug killer/bisector

  18. cleaning spectacle frames

  19. toothpick

  20. untying knots

  21. resin scraper

  22. bursting bubbles and balloons

  23. roach clip [not recommended]

  24. unit of measurement

  25. separating stuck pages

  26. placeholder

  27. tweezer (only if another nail on the hand is grown out too)

  28. prying apart shellfish

  29. de-linting bellybutton

  30. cleaning between keys on a keyboard

  31. nipple/clitoral stimulation [not recommended]

  32. scraping off dried candle wax

  33. separating wax from cheese

  34. general purpose flicking

  35. breaking open plastic wrap seals [especially on new cd's]

  36. post to tie a tea steeper from

  37. thumb tack remover

  38. staple remover

  39. pricking baked potatoes before baking

  40. de-pimentoing olives

  41. hors d’oeuvre skewer

  42. splitting open english muffins

  43. scratching off lottery tickets

  44. turning pages

  45. general purpose eating utensil

  46. peeling prize stickers off cups

  47. pushing stuck coins through the slot

  48. opening nut shells

  49. weed picker

  50. cat toy [warning: heavy chew factor]

  51. using controls on a Palm OS

  52. scraping the char off of burnt toast

  53. massive advantage when playing thumb wrestling

  54. scraping off dried liquid paper

  55. key [requires extensive filing/sculpting and tons of nail strengthener]

  56. stencil for Styrofoam

  57. separating/lifting Monopoly cards/deeds apart