The Gumby’s Letter

     In my outrage over extra cheese, I wrote a letter to Gumby’s Pizza expressing my displeasure.  I BCC:’d it to all friends, members, and sympethizers. 

     The original sending was bounced back with an error saying the account was not accepting outside mail.  I did try again later, with success.  I had the AOL mail receipt, but lost both that and the letter several months later when I had to reinstall AOL.

     Kudos to Burning Bush for saving it for me. 



Below is a cut & paste of a complaint that I tried to send to Gumby's pizza
last night; you all were on the BCC list.  However, is not
accepting outside  e-mail, so the letter cannot send.  So until they change
that,  I'm sending it separately to all of you as empirical evidence that
Gumby's pizza is bullshit and should be avoided.  But you all knew that
anyway, didn't you?  The only cool part of the whole thing was that they were
listening to a Zappa cd when I went into get it.


I lived in Chicago for 7 years, so I feel I have portfolio to be a pizza snob
if I actually wanted to be one.  Certainly there is much better gourmet pizza
available, but I've also had much, much worse.  Gumby's pizza has two main
virtues: it's cheap and filling.  Works for me.  There's a Gumby's just down
the road, so I get take-out from it about once a week.  I liked your special:
large 2 item carryout for 5 bucks.

I noticed that when I asked for extra cheese as an item, it always seems like
I get the same amount of cheese as if I hadn't asked for it.  Without
exception, everyone I've shared your pizzas with felt the same.  Now I love
cheese, so this always bothered me.  I also felt cheated.  I want EXTRA
CHEESE.  So tonight I performed an experiment: I ordered the deal with two
extra cheeses.

In front of the manager I pulled the pie apart and showed him that there was
scant cheese indeed on this serving.  A little more than normal, maybe, but
certainly not the 3 rounds (usual plus 2) that in my opinion should have been
on there.  Almost no sauce, either.

The manager told me that extra cheese was portioned out by weight, and the
correct amount was on there.  This struck me as one step above the Adolph
Eichmann excuse of "just following orders," especially when I got zero
sympathy from him on the matter.  I was half-expecting him to tell me that
they had to use less cheese to offset the cost of importing it across the
country from the Dairylands.  However, if this is true and he actually did
put the "correct" amount on, then they are the stingiest servings I have ever
seen, and not worth the charge.  That pie's cheese quota may have met the
standards of your corporation, but it falls short of mine and other local
average "consumers."

I paid for the pie, partly because I was hungry, partly to take back as
evidence.  My friends agreed: skimpy on sauce, and completely unworthy of the
claim to 2 extra cheeses.

I could only eat one slice, partly because I was upset, but mostly because
the pie in all honesty wasn't very good.

So that's it, I quit.  No more Gumby's for me.  I'm sure I can find someone
in this town that will do me right for some extra cheese.

I actually don't expect you to care, and since I know longer do business with
you I actually don't care what you think, either.  However, I'm hoping the
people I BCC this e-mail to will consider what I have said.

Don't worry, the American Dairy Association is not on the list.



hey, i don't know how far back y'all save your mail, but if you're good branch floridians you have a folder for the shit.  i know i did, back before i had to reinstall aol & lost it all.  that was about a year ago, and one of the things i lost was my original gumby's rant hate-mail. 
i'm doing a gumby's page for the site & next update, & i'm hoping someone has the original bitch still.  it would have been sent out as i don't remember the subject tag.  if anyone still has it, please forward it to me; getcha 100 tons of flax, an indulgence, and my eternal gratitude.
i've got new info that clinches the cheese conspiracy, btw.  and when i called 'em cheeze nazi's, i was closer that i thought.  shaggy works there now & said that manager who gave me the 'tude went skinhead & did the place up in swastikas before he quit. details soon.
oh, k-ynot, do you still have that 'confession' from a manager?  i need that,too; actually, if anyone has that, i'll take it too.
ps--friend of mine works telemarketing; she says her manager was the drummer in twisted sister.  hahahahahaha