Question:

Why is there a potato on my front doorstep?  This is really bothering me.

—shade

Answers:

 

 

OK this is how it goes:

When one has a secret admirer they leave little tokens of love.  This can be anything from flowers to candy perhaps even a little note of love.  Every country has there own traditions of tokens of love.  I think you have a foreign exchange student from Ireland that is dropping a hint.  There for she left a potato to show her interest, however one never knows it could also be a guy foreign exchange student also.  This could be good. Maybe a bag of gold is next?? 

—Rawburn

someone was obviously bothered by your hogging 2 aol names both ending in shade.
suggest new name: stspud or emberspud.
was it a hot potato
sure it wasnt a patatoe

—Uncle Istivan

Undoubtedly St. Shade's calling card, he must be back.

—Gumbo Variation

Who are you & how should i know?

—Kwolf

The potato may be a gift form Dan Quayle who's decided to run for chief adulterer.  Maybe his slogan will be "an idiot in every whitehouse, and potatoe on every doorstep" and he's just trying to get a headstart.  Keep in mind Mary & i live in a white house.

Maybe it's a sunbathing Mr. or Mrs. Potatohead.  Or one in cognito.

Maybe it's biblical and we don't deserve Manna (sp) form heaven anymore.

Maybe it was orphaned and knew you were the kind soul who would take him (her) in.

Maybe it got lost on the way to the potato convention.

Maybe it's not a potato but an alien (or an alien's poop); I hope you didn't touch it.  Or maybe it's a pod, ready to invade a squirrel's body.

Maybe it's a giant bean that Jack dropped.

Maybe Arizona is jealous of Idaho (I bet there is a cactus sitting on an Idahoan's doorstep, as I write, this to keep everything in balance).

If it's not one of these reasons, I don't know what it could possibly be.

—Kwolf  (upon learning who I was)

This can be a good or a bad omen, depending on how you've been treating the fickle veggie lately and on whose myths you believe.  In Celtic lore, where the potato is worshipped as the goddess of fertility, the appearance of a potato on the threshold usually means a baby was on the way.  Normally this was a good omen, but maybe not for you.  (I wouldn't be too happy about it!)  However, to the barbarian Germanic tribesman, to slight the potato was to invite the wrath of the "Uber Tuber," whose vengence could cause everything from famines to defeat in battle.  A potato in your path was a sure sign of bad things to come.  Either way, it doesn't look so good.  I'd build a shrine pronto and start burning candles to that potato tonight!! Pray for forgiveness for ever having eaten mashed, hashed, baked, fried, stuffed, boiled or roasted potatoes.  And just to cover your ass, I'd put another potato on your neighbors doorstep to confuse the Celtic fertility god.  I'm sure the last thing you want is a wailing babe to suddenly appear where the potato was.

—Gigivida

Upon rereading my last correspondence I discovered an error in tense.  In sentence two, word #26 ought to be "is."  I apologize for any confusion this may or may not have caused and hope the rest of your day is in agreement with its tenses.

too many grammar lessons,

—Gigivida

I think what you have there  is a cleverly disguised surveilance device ( aka a "potato bug").
Obvoiously certain organizations have heard of your efforts to save  the world from their influence and are out to stop you.  Maybe you should soak it in a pail of water just to be safe.
whatever you do, do not put it in the microwave as this might have disasterous consequences.
Certain  types of potatoes have been known to explode under these circumstances (it happened to me once)  maybe they were out to get me too?

—Harts'O'Fire

Ummm... it needed a good home?

—Mme Unicorn

you feelin' o.k. bud?

—Sparky

Your neighbor Gabe dropped his garbage and misted the spud during the clean-up.

—Evil Matt

 

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(gratitude & flax to Burning Bush for recovering this)