The RETURN of the SON of “Pop Quiz”

 

 

If you would like to take the quiz, click HERE  (this works on the honor system, so no peeking at the answers first!  Submissions will be posted but not scored.)

 

To see current answers (“correct” and reader-submitted) click HERE

 

The RETURN of the SON of “Pop Quiz”...

Answered?!?

 


History



1. Who did King Henry VIII accuse of giving him syphilis (from constantly whispering in his ear)?

Answer: Pope Julius II.  This was back when Henry was “Defender of the Faith” and before his fallout with the Papacy over the viability of disposable wives.  Considering the Pope himself had syphilis at the time (a far more common occurrence than one would think!) Henry’s accusation should not be immediately dismissed, nor was it back then...

Best Answers:

It WaS mE, tHaT wAs My DiCk In HiS eAr, AnD iT wAs HeRpEs.  PlEaSe GeT yOuR fAcTs StRaIgHt. —  Senzai Noryoku

Cardinal Wolsey. Of course, he most likely got it through having 6 wives, innumerable mistresses and diabetes to boot.  —  Bruddah Max

Ann Boleyn.  King's got to have an excuse to rotate the hos.  —  Ryf

Anne Boleyn  —  TeaGarden

Thomas Moore  —  Taotaejay

 

 


2. What U.S. Government organization spent over one million dollars a year (until 1991) on psychic advisors?

Answer: The Central Intelligence Agency.  The Soviets had been using psychic advisors for years, the CIA decided to keep pace, just in case there was something to it.  Failure to predict things such as the fall of communism led to the program’s abandonment.

ThE pSyChIc HoTlInE cOmMiSsIoN.  YeS, tHe FoCkErS uSeD tO bE pAiD bY tHe GoV. BuSh #1 HaD tHeM sHuT dOwN wHeN tHeY wErE uNaBlE tO aCcUrAtElY pReDiCt CoCaInE sTrEeT sAlEs ThE pRiViOuS yEaR.  —  Senzai Noryoku

The FBI. Does anyone honestly think "Psychic Friends Hotline" was anything but a FBI-backed mass wiretapping ployto entrap extremists and misanthropes?  —  Bruddah Max

CIA, followed closely by the White House while Nancy Reagan was there.  —  Ryf

FBI  —  TeaGarden

Pentagon  —  Taotaejay




3.  Who was Time Magazine’s “Man of the Year” in 1938?

Answer: Adolph Hitler.

Best Answers:

It WaS mE iN '38,  —  Senzai Noryoku

Adolf Hitler  —  Bruddah Max

Adolph Hister.  I know what all the history books say, but I've gotta side with Nostradamus.  —  Ryf

Hitler  —  TeaGarden

Adolph Hitler  —  Taotaejay



(bonus: who got it for '39?)

Answer: Josef Stalin.  Boy, Time sure can pick ’em...

Best Answers:

F*#@InG hItLeR bEaT oUt In '39 tO kEeP fRoM mY tWo YeArS iN a RoW.  —  Senzai Noryoku

Joseph Stalin. Yep, they really knew how to pick 'em back then.  —  Bruddah Max

Yeah, absolutely, I love this.  Joseph frickin' Stalin. Who's next? Bundy?  Saucy Jack?  Jim Jones?  Oh, wait, I know, Pol Pot!!!!  —  Ryf

Stalin  —  TeaGarden

Joseph Stalin  —  Taotaejay


Math



1.  Three crows are sitting on a wire.  I shoot one of them.  How many are left on the wire?

Answer:  None.  They’d fly away!

Best Answers:

HoW CaN CoWs PoSsIbLy SiT On A wIrE?!  It Is QuItE oBvIoUs ThAt ThEiR sHeEr MaSs WoUlD pLuNgE tHeM sTrAiGhT tHrOuGh ThE wIrE.  I'm SiCk Of ThEsE f*#@iNg HeAd GaMeS!  YoU oBvIoUsLy HaVe DeEp RoOtEd SoCiAl AnXiEtY DiSoRdEr; PoSsIbLy FrOm LiStEnInG tO ZaPpA aLl ThOsE yEaRs Mr. BrAin Po-Po, No HeArT hAvIn', WiNd BlOwIn' AnY wHiCh WaY, wIsHiN' yOu CoUlD mAkE a G-SpOt ToRnAdO...........cRoWs, Oh ThAt SaYs CrOwS?  YoU rEaLlY nEeD tO wOrK oN yOuR pEnMaNsHiP.  ThE aNsWeR tHeN dEpeNdS oN iF tHaT uNlUcKy SoN-Of_a_bItCh YoU sHoT fAlLs OfF tHe WiRe.  —  Senzai Noryoku

This all depends on the manner in which the crow is shot. If the crow is shot with a loud bang, then there are no crows, due to their instinctual desire to fly the hell away when a loud bang takes out their buddy next to them. However, if the crow is shot with a silent flachette weapon fired from a long range sniper rifle with laser sighting and proper silencing, and if that flachette has some type of neurotoxin on it that causes the crow's nervous system to immediately seize up, making disconnection from the wire unlikely, and if the other crows do not notice this happening, it is conceivable that all three crows could still be on the wire after the "shooting incident". Then again, I've kinda lost track in all this excitement. But, given that this is a 44 magnum, the most powerful handgun int he world, and can blow a crow's head clean off, you gotta ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?  —  Bruddah Max

The others will take off at the first crack of gunfire.  None are left.  Unless they're deaf.  You didn't really specify, did you? Of course, even if they are deaf, odds are, they'll take off once the other one drops.  —  Ryf

2  —  TeaGarden

None. The other two left to eat the dead one.  —  Taotaejay

 


2.  An airplane leaves New York, traveling east at 500 mph.  At the same time, another airplane leaves Paris, traveling west at 350 mph.  When the two planes meet, which will be closer to Paris?

Answer: Both are equidistant.  They just met, remember?

Best Answers:

YoU FoOl!  YoU tHoUgHt YoU cOuLd SliP oNe By Us, Ay!  WeLl, We WoN't Be FlUsTeReD aNy LoNGeR bY yOuR fEeBlE aTtEmPtS aT sIdE-SwPpInG uS, RiGhT gUyS?!... RiGhT gUyS?!... RiGhT?...GuYs?... Is ThErE aNyBoDy OuT tHeRe?  —  Senzai Noryoku

There's just been a mid-air collision with about 800 fatalities (assuming jumbo jets are involved). Which bit of which plane (and/or passengers)  is actually closer to Paris at that point would take about 4 months of NTSB investigation - do we really want to wait that long for an answer so we can put this tragedy behind us and move on as a nation of united brothers and sisters?  —  Bruddah Max

When the two planes meet they'll be in the same plac, much to the chagrin of Air Traffic Controllers everywhere.  —  Ryf

Same Place  —  TeaGarden

Neither. They just exploded over the Atlantic.  —  Taotaejay

 


3.  Using only two numbers, what is the largest number that can be written?

Answer:  99 = 9x9x9x9x9x9x9x9x9 = 387,420,489

Best Answers:

YoU aNd YoUr SeMaNtIcs ArE eNcOurAgEaBle.  BuT, iF yOu MeAn DiGiTs ThEn ThE aNsWeR is 99.  —  Senzai Noryoku

If you mean two numbers as in numerical digits, i'd go with 9 to the 9th power (can't write exponent superscript in emai, but it usually can be written). This superscript notation translates to 387,420,489 in standard notation. If you mean any mathematical symbol referencing numbers, it would be infinity to the infinity power (two of them sideways eights in superscript exponential notation).  —  Bruddah Max

Best I can do is MM, two-thousand.  —  Ryf

99  —  TeaGarden

Depends on the font.  —  Taotaejay

 


Science


1.  What was unusual about Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe’s nose?

Answer: It was artificial (gold, actually.)  He lost it in a duel with another mathemetician who claimed he was better than Tycho.  Brahe frequently carried a pot of glue around with him to keep it attached.

Best Answers:

It WaS tHe LeNgTh Of A cErTaIn NoToRiOuS gAnGsTeR's LiMp ScHloNg.  —  Senzai Noryoku

He had this shiny metal insert which filled out the rest of his nose after he lost part of it in a duel. What is interesting is that pictures of said insert look very much like the modern "Breathe Right Strips" used by athletes and buzzsaw snorers around the world.  —  Bruddah Max

He lost it in a duel.  The new one was made of silver.  In that sense he was the prototype for Steve Austin, Astronaut.  I have no clue how it stayed on his face.  —  Ryf

Lost part of it and had a metal insert in it  —  TeaGarden

After part of it was lost in an unfortunate sneezing incident, it was replaced with a metal piece.  —  Taotaejay


2.  Before the Europeans discovered the Pacific, what was the largest ocean on Earth?

Answer:  The Pacific.

Best Answers:

I sUpPoSe If I wErE sOmE nIaVe, ChUrCh FoLlOwInG pIeCe Of EuRo-TrAsH fRoM tHe MiDdLe 15Th CeNtUrY, i WoUld SaY tHe AtLaNtIc...  BuT i'M nOt!  I hAvE a BrAiN, aNd It WoRkS.  ThE aNsWeR iS iN tHe QuEsTiOn... SiRe.  —  Senzai Noryoku

The Pacific ocean was still the largest ocean on Earth, even before the Europeans discovered it.  —  Bruddah Max

It was still the Pacific.  Eurocentric bastards.  —Ryf

Atlantic  —  TeaGarden

The Pacific. Just because they didn't know about it didn't change it's size (although the Atlantic, when aroused, nearly matches it).  —  Taotaejay

 


3.  Kirk vs. Piccard, in whatever format you want (phasers, flavored toothpicks, etc.)

Answer:  This is a case where format matters.  Kirk was always a “hands-on” kind of guy, which is why he’d win in anything that was essentially mano-a-mano, but this would be his downfall in any form of combat involving multiple people (such as dueling spaceships.)  Kirk would be busy running around arming the torpedos, raising the shields, and still trying to figure out how to get the green-skinned alien babe in bed by the end of the episode.  Meanwhile, Picard would just say “make it so” and kick back with a cup of Earl Grey while the other Enterprise gets blasted to neutrinos...

Best Answer:

DoN'T eVeN sTeP!  PiCcArD iS tEn TiMeS tHe MaN KiRk Is In AnY cAteGoRy, AnD hE dOeSn"t TaLk LiKe An IdIoT.   —  Senzai Noryoku

On the surface this looks like your standard "what if" pissing contest between Star Trek Captain's James Tiberius Kirk and Jean Luc Picard. However, the question speaks of "Piccard", so I can only assume this means noted bathyscapist/balloonist Jaques Piccard, known for descending to the depths of the Marinaras Trench, as well as being one-half of the Breitling ballooning team who were the first to circumnavigate the globe whilst being continuously aloft. Being that Kirk was also continuously aloft, one must compare the two by comparing times to orbit the earth - 20 days for Piccard to about 20 minutes for Kirk. This might be an unfair comparison due to one of the comparees being a fictional character and one being an actual celebrated diver/baloonist.  —  Bruddah Max

Look, Picard has one move and one move only.  That little thing where he tugs his shirt down.  That's it.  Kirk is an experienced ass-kicker from way back, so YOU choose the format, it doesn't matter.  Kirk wins. However, I must note that Picard won't actually take part in the fight, as he'll send Number One to do all the work for him.  Let's face it:  Picard is the Marlon fucking Perkins of outer space, which, I suppose, would make Number One the Jim Fowler of the cosmos.  The only way Picard wins is if the format is one of spewing New Age touchy-feely platitudes, at which point Picard, the obvious master of such a format, would win by inducing Kirk and half the audience to choke on their own puke!  —  Ryf

Shatner's horrible acting forces Stewart to take his own life with a phaser.  —  Taotaejay

 


Literature


1.  What type of paper is the Declaration of Independence written on?

Answer:  Dutch India Hemp.  For those who don’t know, that’s marijuana.

Best Answers:

I sMoKe WiTh It In ThE mOrNiNg,
I sMoKe WiTh It At NiGhT,
i SmOkE wItH iT iN tHe AfTeRnOoN,
yAh, YoU gUeSsEd It, ThAt"s RiGhT!  —  Senzai Noryoku

Rice paper. Good trivia: the original Declaration was almost destroyed by the wet ink transfer process used to make a copper engraving of the Declaration. Fortunately, the copies made from this engraving were also printed on rice paper to duplicate the original as accurately as possible.  —  Bruddah Max

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's hemp.   And I still don't want it legal.(I can hear the points being deducted as I type)  —  Ryf

NEWSPAPER?  —  TeaGarden

Hemp, dude!  —  Taotaejay



2.  What was the first book Guttenberg printed on his press?

Answer:  The Vulgate Bible.

Best Answers:

ThE NeWlY nAmEd SeCoNd EdItIoN oF tHe KaMa SuTrA.  It Is RuMmOrReD tHaT GuTtEnBeRg HiMsElF iS rEsPoNsIbLe FoR tHe AdDiTiOn Of DoGgY-StYlE.  —  Senzai Noryoku

Most believe that the first book printed by Guttenberg was the "Latin Vulgate" version of The Bible, printed circa 1456. A case can be made that the "Tükenkalendar", a treatise warning of invasion danger following fall of Constantinople, was the first book printed, but whether this can actually be considered a "book" is debatable, so the Bible is generally considered the first "book" to be printed on the press. The first thing at all printed on the press is a raft of indulgences issued by the Catholic Church, a very lucrative business in those times.  —  Bruddah Max

I want to say Bible, but there was also this damned Turkenkalendar.  I'll go with Bible.  —  Ryf

Everything you ever wanted to know about Jesus, but were afraid to ask.  —  Taotaejay

 


3.  What famous writer’s last words were “Either the wallpaper goes, or I do!” ?

Answer:  Oscar Wilde.  The hotel he died in has since been destroyed; as such, I think we should get Oscar back!

Best Answers:

NiEtZcHe? 
No...  HiS wErE, "hA, hA, hA!  fOoLeD yOu, I'm ReAlLy CaThOlIc!"  —  Senzai Noryoku

Oscar Wilde, hero to interior designers everywhere.  —  Bruddah Max

Let me think about this.  I don't know if the answer is Hemingway, but truth be known, after Hemingway went  they had to replace the wallpaper anyway.  —  Ryf

Oscar Wilde  —  Taotaejay

 


bonus round


(1 point per, 2 if correct, 3 answers maximum)

Name a performer at the original (’69) Woodstock.

Answers:   Joan Baez, The Band, Blood, Sweat, and Tears, The Paul Butterfield Blues Band, Canned Heat, Joe Cocker, Country Joe and the Fish, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, Grateful Dead, Arlo Guthrie, Tim Hardin, Keef Hartly, Richie Havens, Jimi Hendrix, Incredible String Band, Janis Joplin, Jefferson Airplane, Melanie, Mountain, Quill, Santana, John Sebastian, Ravi Shankar, Sha Na Na, Sly and the Family Stone, Bert Sommer, Sweetwater, Ten Years After, The Who, and Johnny Winter.

Best Answers:

SaNtAnA, JiMi HeNdRiX, aNd ThAt MeAn OlD mAn; JaNiS JoPlIn.  —  Senzai Noryoku

The Paul Butterfield Blues Band Country Joe McDonald and The Fish Incredible String Band  —  Bruddah Max

Jefferson Airplane
Jimi
Canned fucking Heat  —  Ryf

Jimi Hendrix, The Who and FRANK ZAPPA!!!  —  Taotaejay


super-secret scoring:

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