The Ghost of “Pop Quiz”
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1. What famous philosopher once took mescaline and subsequently spent the rest of his life convinced he was being chased by a 6-foot tall iridescent lobster?
Answer: Jean Paul Sartre
i wish it was John Waters. Did I mention I was drunk? I heard a Zappa tune with Sting on it today. — Burning Bush
L. Ron Hubbard (just kidding, I don't know, Hunter Thompson) — Anonymous
Wittgenlobster. What most people fail to realize is that the lobster wa real, and was not pleased that its presence had been detected. Not surprising, Wittgenlobster avoided the sea the resto of his life. Although many attribute his death to natural causes, he was really taken out by the crustatian conspiracy. — Freezer Burn
Hubby knew this one, give him the credit
Jean Paul Sartre. — Cinder
First of all, it's spelled "irridescent", and secondly, I don't know. — Dyna Charcoal
Hmmm...I didn't know I was considered a philosopher. — Ignition Missionary
Sarte. And it wasn't the mescaline. He just forgot to
pay the check one day at Red Lobster and they followed him trying to get the
dough. — Taotaejay
What French organization was behind the 1793-’94 Reign of Terror that imprisoned 200,000 and guillotined
Answer: The Committee for Public Safety. Gotta love the irony.
Me. In the song with Zappa and Sting, they talked about how stupid Pat Robertson was. — Burning Bush
The French Monarchy — Anonymous
Nobody expects the French Inquisition! Their main weapons were fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to a 6 foot tall iridescent lobster. The guillotine used was actually made of dosens of lobster claws. — Freezer Burn
"Committee of public safety"
bunch of cool people DAYMMMMM. — Cinder
the monarchy — Dyna Charcoal
i have absolutely no idea...the spanish inquisition? they were french, right? — Ignition Missionary
Le police — Taotaejay
3. What did Governor Connolly say to JFK right before the first shot?
Answer: “Well, Mister President, you can't say that Texas doesn't love you!” Again, a textbook case of irony in overdrive.
Have you ever listened to Ahmet and Dweezil Zappa's version of "The Grinch"? Primo material. — Burning Bush
"duck" — Anonymous
Hey Jack, how about for lunch let's skip the convention and go to the Carousel Club for some lobster tail and lap dances? — Freezer Burn
Hey Marilyn Monroe gave me a phone call, she's up for a 3some. What ya think? — Cinder
Nice suit. — Dyna Charcoal
Here it comes! Act DEAD! — Ignition Missionary
Pay no attention to that man on the grassy knoll, Mr, President. — Taotaejay
bonus: What was JFK’s response?
Answer: “No, I guess not.”
"Let god strike me dead right now if anything Frank Zappa did was good." — Burning Bush
"what'd you say?" — Anonymous
sounds good, John, and a lobster's not the only piece of tail I'd mind having, if ya know what I mean... — Freezer Burn
OH Hell yeah, I'm all over that shit! — Cinder
Arrrrrgh! — Dyna Charcoal
He should have won a grammy. — Ignition Missionary
What gra.... — Taotaejay
Answer: Second Place
In the same place as Zappa, first of course, and by the way, have you heard Ahmet's and Dweezil's "Oops I did it again?" — Burning Bush
Second — Anonymous
my position depends how far away the finish line is; I'm either crouched in a sprint or in a spread-eagled leap over the lobster still ahead of me — Freezer Burn
second — Cinder
Second. — Dyna Charcoal
well...it depends on how the two of you land...most likely, jailhouse doggystyle, but possibly the missionary if the second place runner tried to get a punch in before he went down. — Ignition Missionary
Second place. — Taotaejay
2. In that same race, if you instead overtake the last runner, where does that place you?
Answer: Trick question: you cannot pass the person in last place. The only exception to this would be if you lapped a person, but marathons are traditionally linear, not on oval tracks.
Britney Spears in prolly second to last in music... I'm sure there has to be someone worse, but I do not know who it is... but Zappa's progeny still make something good out of her song — Burning Bush
cheating, you weren't in the race if you were behind the last runner — Anonymous
this places me just past the starting line. at the beginning of the race I am tied with all the other lobsters for last place, but if i leave before at least 1 other runner, then I have passed the person in last place. This situation exists only once, the first nanosecond into the race, because it is otherwise impossible to pass last place. — Freezer Burn
on this question, i originally was not in the race: when I seen how much fun every one was having I hopped up to over take the last place runner, so i guess i would now be second to the last, running like hell to pass up the third to the last and so on, you all know the out come of the race right? OH yeah I be DA Winner..lol — Cinder
Next to last. — Dyna Charcoal
you obviously suck, and werent in the race to begin with. quit smoking. — Ignition Missionary
Either next to last or really freakin fast!!! — Taotaejay
3. Which uses more geometry: billiards or miniature golf?
Answer: Miniature golf. A billiard table is a flat surface, but mini golf has slopes, inclines, and moving obstacles to contend with. It could be argued (unconvincingly) that coping with such hazards is “physics” but we are still dealing with 3 dimensions, where a pool table is essentially just 2.
If I was to go golfing with Britney Spears, I do not think we'd finish the first hole before I was finishing her first and second... and third hole, but that ignores the fact that there is not only more geometry in pool, but far more physics too. — Burning Bush
billiards — Anonymous
assuming standard gravity and an absence of iridescent lobsters, golf gets it. Raquetball's got 'em both beat, though. — Freezer Burn
first thought: they use the same amount of Geometry.
But for some reason i'm gonna say Billiards. :) inside joke — Cinder
miniature golf. — Dyna Charcoal
depends on who's playing...most people suck at minigolf, and will admit that, but almost everyone will give out pool advice to a hot chic. I would say that whichever game is played with a hot chic present would take the most geometry. — Ignition Missionary
Well, billiards requires a knowledge of geometry in a two dimensional plane. Miniature golf, on the other hand, can sometimes add a third dimension, so I say goofy golf all the way. — Taotaejay
Answer: The standard criteria for “life”: something that reproduces, seeks sustenance, reacts to its environment, and has a cellular structure. Fire fits the first three but fails on the last. Then again, so does a virus, but those are considered alive.
Now Britney never did anything nearly as good as Zappa's progeny... this is to say nothing of Zappa himself. Especially if we consider the Zappa recording "Fire" in which the theatre is consumed and the show ended early. But that's the life of a fire for you. — Burning Bush
prove, it cosumes oxygen and produces waste while being thermogenic — Anonymous
NOT alive, and it is blasphemous to say otherwise. Fires have to be started, created. A fire cannot start itself, because it does not yet exist to do so. An outside, non-fire force must spawn that first fire. Man can create fire. If fire is alive, then man can create life. Only God can create life. Therefore, what man creates when he makes a fire cannot be alive, or else we are infringing upon God's domain. The closest man can come to creating life is procreation, and even then man only begats another man. This is true of all living species—a lobster cannot give birth to a wombat, only another lobster. Fires can be creatted from non-fire sources, many of which are not alive, so this clinches that fire is not alive. — Freezer Burn
I will not try to prove anything but i will say this:
Give me food and i will live.
Give me water and I will die. — Cinder
My head hurts. — Dyna Charcoal
First we must know that fire is made up mostly of matter in the 4th state, plasma. Plasma can only exist at extremely high temperatures, hotter than those where gasses, liquids, and solids exist. Therefore, since all of the living things that we are aware of live in the first three states of matter(liquid, gas, and solid), then we must assume that anything in the fourth state of matter is dead. sounds good, right? — Ignition Missionary
Fire is born.
Fire consumes fuel.
Fire leaves waste.
Fire can be killed.
Therefore, fire is...oh who the hell cares! It's fire. Heh heh. FIRE! FIRE! — Taotaejay
2. In 1935, a group of British military scientists (including future James Bond author Ian Fleming) attempted to build a death ray. It didn’t work. What became of their invention?
Answer: The scientists were disappointed when the death ray bounced harmlessly off its target, and were going to scrap the whole project when one of them noticed that you could tell how far away something was by timing the signal bounce. By boosting the signal, they could bounce off of unseen objects, such as planes many miles away. Thus, radar was born.
Oh, shit. I can't really fit Zappa in to this one. Oh, wait, never mind, I just did. OK then, have some BBQ sauce or something. I figure the invention made LOTS of money in Flemings Bond books. — Burning Bush
Laser — Anonymous
Blofeld stole it with the help of renegade Nazi henchmen and stashed it on an iceberg fortress in an isolated fjord. Bond was sent in to recover/destroy the ray, but was easily captured by the sexy yet trecherous femme fatale, 'Tye Puddy'. Blofeld revealed his master plan to Bond (use the ray on British athletes in the upcoming Olympics to humiliate England) then slowly lowered Bond into a vat full of pissed off iridescent lobsters. Bond escaped (of course) and foiled the plan by melting the iceberg. Blofeld escaped, as did Ms. Puddy (who went on to do adult films in South America under the name Ella Chonch.) — Freezer Burn
The group of scientists were buliding this death Ray on the beach. all of a sudden a huge 6 foot tall Lobster came out of the water, the scientisit screamed and ran for their life's, The Lobster simply took what was to be the death ray back into the water, with all the chemicals, we really do have a iridesent Lobster in our sea waters.hehe — Cinder
It became the modern laser. — Dyna
the igia hair removal system — Ignition Missionary
They left it out carelessly on night, and some short
guy with a funny voice dressed like a roman centurian stole it and turned it
into what he called his "Q36 Space Modulator". — Taotaejay
3. Why oh why won’t my bee stop buzzing?
Answer: Here are some common theories, and here is the real reason.
Cause you haven't cum all over Britney's face while listening to "Yellow Snow" by of all people, Frank Zappa. — Burning Bush
it's flying (the movement of the wings produces the noise) — Anonymous
SHade, I think it's time to see a doctor about that, cuz it sounds like your eardrum is shot. I bet it's all that Zappa you've been blaring. Some of those notes'll crack glass & just aren't natural, and after a few decades I bet it warped your ears out of whack. You could try using some lobster as earplug filters, too. — Freezer Burn
cause, lady you F***ing won't listen to me. — Cinder
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz — Dyna Charcoal
too much acid, man. — Ignition Missionary
Tech support response:
"Please turn off your computer, take it back to the store you purchased it from and inform the manager that you are too fucking stupid to own a computer and could they please take it back." — Taotaejay
Answer: Good. White is the traditional color of goodness. However, it is actually easier to prove the whale was good by proving the opposite: Ahab was evil. According to the Bible, Ahab was the most wicked king of Israel (and his wife Jezebel was pretty perverted, too.) “Ahab did evil in the sight of the Lord, more than all that were before him.” (1 Kings 16:30) On the Pequod, Ahab essentially performs a Black Mass during the oath-binding ceremony where he gets the crew to swear to slay the whale.
OK, DICK! Use it to cum all over Britney's face already. Do I have to work Zappa in to another porn video for you? — Burning Bush
good — Anonymous
Neither. Let's face it- the book is about COCK. BIG, WHITE COCK. The whale is a metaphor for 17 inches of flaccid lobster penis. They are chasing after a sperm whale named "Dick" for gawdsakes! The boys on that boat want a big, white cock! They either want it up their ass, or swinging between their legs in place of the pitiful piece they do have. Motives here run the spectrum from homophobia to penis envy. In the end, everyone is killed by the BIG WHITE COCK, so I think Melville intended the whale to be seen as evil, though he is doubtless just covering up for his own inadiquecies. — Freezer Burn
So now let us add Moby Dick to our blessings
hehe B/C — Cinder
evil. Pure bloody unadulterated evil. — Dyna Charcoal
it's all in the name...anyone named dick is obviously evil. — Ignition Missionary
Neither. It represents Jacques Cousteau. — Taotaejay
2. Name one of shade’s novels.
Answer: essene, Blade, First Hit’s Free! and Lady Gretta’s Discovery
I'll bet FZ is mentioned somewhere in it! — Burning Bush
Lady Gretta's Lobster — Freezer Burn
Lady Gretta's Discovers Lobster's LOL — Cinder
Essene. — Dyna Charcoal
lawn pizza — Ignition Missionary
3. Give an example of an anagram.
Answer: an anagram is taking a word and rearranging the letters to make another word. “Ronald Wilson Reagan” is an anagram of “Insane Anglo Warlord” and “George Herbert Walker Bush” is an anagram of “Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog”.
I'm busy listening to Zappa... — Burning Bush
kucsymdkci (suck my dick) — Anonymous
iridescent lobsters = dissect beer nostril
[sounds like a card from that old game "operation" I guess in this case the beer nostril is where that little lightbulb screwed in, the one that went off if you pooched the operation.] — Freezer Burn
"Mother in law" ~ Women Hitler — Cinder
Ring Kitchard the...wait, no, that's a spoonerism. — Dyna Charcoal
pink chickens ride slowly across the dead leaves, leaving behind anguish and broken hearts. — Ignition Missionary
No thanks. I just ate. — Taotaejay
Answer: barbeque sauce is good with everything!
Britney Spears? — Burning Bush
my dick, if Matthew's sucking it ('cause he's the only person I know who likes the shit) — Anonymous
Waitress, I think we're ready to order now. Let's start with the tossed lobster salad with thousand island barbecue sauce, and some iridescent lobster potstickers with barbecue soy dipping sauce. For main we'll take two large lobster pastas with barbecue maranara, a small wok lobster with a side of barbequed jalopenos, and, oh, one crock pot of lobster with the barbeque fondue shishkabob dealies, enough for all of us. We'd all like barbequed lobster coffee served in a hollow lobster claw, plus a carafe of water from a live lobster tank. Oh, and we need more ashtrays, chop chop! — Freezer Burn
ummmm in saint's eyes.
I would say most everything! — Cinder
My ass. — Dyna Charcoal
everything but ice cream. — Ignition Missionary
Buffalo wings (with RANCH DRESSING!!!! HA HA HA!!!) — Taotaejay
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