World Domination Update
“Ghost Riders of the Purple Cheese”
vol. VI, iss. iii

The voice of one crying in the wilderness
—Matthew 3:3

Quote of the moment: “Don’t — It tastes like orange flavored ass!” — saint 
Secret Word of the Day:  Bomb-Sniffing Bees
Site of the Week:
 The Smurfs are Communists  [read saint’s reply to the webmaster!]
Barbecue Sauce of the Month: Cactus Sam
s vampire-repelling roasted garlic
Now Playing:  Frank Zappa  —  “Chunga
s Revenge”

In this issue:

·  The Dubya-gate Tape
·  Alleviating Menstruation
·  The Octopus
·  Sermon — Thomas 12
·  Ask Evil Matt
·  Holy Hedgehog

Hey, Kids! 

As we forge ahead into our fifth year of World Domination through self-thought, it should be increasingly clear to those actually employing their mental modes that our very way of life is yet again under assault by Brain Police agents and their Bush-league lackey.

Recent revelations have come to light that the Dubya Administration had more of a heads-up to Al-Qaida shenanigans than they previously let on, yet did nothing to prevent the 9/11 debacle.  Granted, the clues were not as blatant as with FDR foreknowledge of Pearl Harbor, but there was apparently enough information about that we shouldn’t have been as asleep at the wheel as we seemingly were.  

Bush has cried innocent to this, saying that despite being told that Al-Qaida operatives were actively planning to hijack a plane in the near future, the threat wasn’t specific enough for him to do anything.  Apparently things need to be spelled out concretely for our chief executive to get motivated.  To put that in JFK terms, telling him “someone is planning on killing you in the near future” elicits no response, but being told “a disgruntled ex-marine Marxist is planning on shooting you in Dallas around 12:30 on November 22nd at the corner of Elm and Houston Street from the 6th floor corner window with a Manlicher-Carcano rifle” might get a reaction out of him.

Or not.  That’s still a bit vague by Bush standards: it doesn’t say what part of the body would be shot at.

Bush is setting a dangerous precedent that ignorance is acceptable behavior, which for “think for yourself” aficionados is terrifyingly bad.  Actually its bad for everyone, as Pentagon and WTC employees tangibly learned last November, but if our Prez is only roused to action when things are bluntly, blatantly laid out for him, then there is obviously no thought process going on in the Oval Office.

Then again most of us already knew that, but here’s proof.  Doubtless, Dubya was planning on changing the national bird from the bald eagle to the ostrich, since being told that there was impending hostile hijacking planned against American property prompts no noticeable response.

In the case of Reagan and Iran-Gate, the question was “what did the president know, and when did he stop knowing it?”  With 9/11, the question is “what did the president know, and when was it explained to him?”

Fortunately, we think we have an answer to the last.

It is not widely known, but the White House tape devices that led to Richard Nixon’s downfall are still in use, and intrepid Branch Floridians have actually gotten ahold of the appropriate transcript.

The Dubya Tape


Rice:  Excuse me, Mr. President, sir?

Bush:  Hang on; I’m in the middle of some important strategery here.  F Six.

Powell:  Miss.  B Eight.

Rice:  But sir?  This could be important.

Bush:  Hit; submarine.  (sigh) Fine, what is it?

Rice:  We have reason to believe that al-Qaida operatives are planning to hijack one or more of our planes in the near future.

Bush:  F Seven.  Al-Qaida?  Isn’t that some kind of Mexican cheese dish?

Cheney:  I’ve had those!  They’re good.  Especially with Ranch Dressing.

Rice: Ummm, I think you’re thinking of a quesadilla.  Al-Qaida...

Powell:  Miss.  C Eight.

Rice:  ...Al-Qaida is a large Islamic terrorist organization.

Bush:  Hit; submarine.  Large, huh?  Did they vote for me?

Rice:  Well, no, sir.  They’re foreign.  They don’t like Americans.

Bush:  Miss.  Foreign, huh?  Makes sense; bunch of Mexican Muslims.  So is this something to worry about?

Rice:  They’re not Mexican, sir...

Powell:  If they’re Moslems hijacking a plane, they’ll probably just grab an El Al flight and trade the passengers for someone in prison. We should probably tell Mossad.

Rice:  Actually, we believe the target is a domestic airline.  Potentially more than one, too.

Bush:  Huh.  Do we have anyone they’d want to trade for?

Rice:  Well, Ramsay Yusef...

Bush:  Gesundheit.

Rice:  Sir, Ramsay Yusef; he’s a terrorist with links to al-Qaida.  He bombed the World Trade Center back in ’93 with a truck full of explosives; tried to blow up the base and get one building to crash into the other.

Cheney: I remember him; we caught him because he went back to the truck rental and tried to get his deposit back.

Bush:  (laughter) Well, if that’s the type of terrorists we’re dealing with, we probably don’t need to worry.  Is it my shot?

Powell:  Yeah.

Rice:  So you don’t...

Cheney:  Excuse me; George?  Ken Lay’s on Line One for you.

Bush:  Kenny Boy!  Hot damn; hand that phone over.

Cheney:  He’s calling collect again.

Rice:  Sir?  About the hijacking?

Bush:  Oh, right.  Do we have any specifics?

Rice:  Well...

Mrs. Bush:  George?!?  Little Rascals are on in five minutes.

Bush:  Thanks, hon.

Rice:  Again, sir, we don’t have specifics, except that there is a plot.

Bush:  F Eight.  Look, if this Mexican El Queso group wants to hijack a plane, it’s probably just a bunch of illegal immigrants trying to find an easier way to sneak over the border.

Cheney:  Ken’s still on line one, and Satan, Prince of Darkness is on line Two.  He needs to reschedule his 4 o’clock appointment.

Rice:  But...

Powell:  Miss.  A Eight.

Bush:  Miss.  Look, Condoleeza, the American people don’t want me flying off the handle half cocked on incomplete information.  Don’t want to cause a panic; people don’t spend as much if they’re scared.  We need a complacent nation spending themselves silly, and this could interfere with that.  Now, if you get something solid, let me know.  F Nine.

Powell:  Hit; carrier.

Bush:  Hot damn!  Now we’re getting somewhere!



in other news...


reader feedback



As always, I feel it is my duty to provide feedback on every little point in the WDU - so here goes:

1. Happy Anniversary! I for one, am proud to belong to an organization that's five years strong. And my thanks to Saint/shade for financing the whole operation. You are only a "true" religion if the US government has an agenda towrds you and I'd bet shade's left wing nut that the BF alls into that category. You can't go five years without being noticed (unless your a sleper cecell of Al Quada..)

Seriously, I 'd LOVE a T-shirt. In fact, I'd like to contribute a few design ideas. Look foe them soon.

I figured we'd all be RUSH'n in the end... (and Neil Peart was the real Ayn Rand fanatic. The other two were just glad to have somebody that could write better lyrics than IN THE MOOD!)

Oddly enough, the "classic" rock station in my area plays a healthy dose of Zappa - and by healthy, I mean fucking anorexic compared to the amount of Allman Bilgers that they shove down our throats. Still, a LIMITED selection of Zappa still makes to the airwaves (usually: Valley Girl, You Are What You Is, and Montana)



shade’s peshar


I’ve always considered the Rev to be our first real recruit (FireSkunk notwithstanding) and the Right Hand Man around the compound.  Not to mention the Official Patsy if all this goes bad and we get Waco’ed...

To that end, we’ve pretty much assumed the Brain Police and their FBI flunkeys have been monitoring us for some time — probably longer than the five years we’ve officially been a blip on the Brain Police radar screen.  Some of the emails and requests for membership are highly suspicious, even by the laxest of paranoid standards [such as this issue’s already infamous sodium pentathol email.]

The Rev’s t-shirt contributions will be posted on the merchandise page when they are available.

The Neil Peart/Ayn Rand revelation somehow comes as no surprise to me: I’ve always thought that Peart’s technical prowess was directly proportional to his lack of soul.  So much skill, so little feeling.  The same can be said about Ayn Rand, except the ‘skill’ part...  Then again, in Rand’s horrific alleged ‘masterpiece’ The Fountainhead, the ‘idealized’ character/hero (Howard Roark) is a soulless, emotionless golem held up for us to emulate.  yerf.  Still, I love Rush, but my favorite songs of theirs are instrumentals like Overture or La Villa Strangiato, or with minimalist lyrics, like The Necromancer.  A pox on Geddy Lee and that helium-induced falsetto.

Glad to hear the Zapster gets even anemic airplay, in North Carolina no less!  You’d think in that redneck of the woods there’d just be a steady diet of Oak Bilge Boys, Garth Bilge, Bilgie Nelson, Conway Bilgey, Minnie Bilge, Bilge & Dunn, Charlie Daniels Bilge, and of course Bilgy Ray Cyrus.  The inclusion of ‘You Are What You Is’ in the Rev’s aforementioned rock rotation list is especially surprising, given the song contains the word “nigger”.  For the full context:

  A foolish young man of the Negro Persuasion
Devoted his life to become a caucasian
He stopped eating pork, he stopped eating greens
He trade his dashiki for some Jordache jeans
He learned to play golf, and he got a good score
Now he says to himself, “I ain’t no nigger no more!”

Then again, I never was that big a fan of the song, until I heard FZ remix it (with additional lyrics) on his mock-Broadway/Broadway-mock revieue, Thing Fish.  The “offending” line is changed to “nignint” [ie: ignorant nigger] with the additional commentary, “One-Adam-Twelve, see de Nignint wit knife.  Proceed wif cautium: knife may be open!”


reader feedback



Bone to pick from The Twin Branches:

There was also no known custom of freeing a prisoner at that time of year to celebrate anything. Thus the offer to liberate Jesus or Barabbas is pure fiction.

Are you absolutely sure on this one??? I think reasonably you are missing this one. How do you know exaclty about customs that existed nearly 2000 years ago? I once heard that Napolean had a custom of scratching his nuts before leading in to a slaughter. However, I have not been able to identify any records of this custom. Also, despite brutality, what makes you so sure hat Pilate wasn't more civilized at times. I would imagine he had a lot of different sides to him, I mean he was a Roman leader after all. Justice was swift and brutal, but he also had a taste for Roman pleasures don't yout think? He was also a rep of the most advanced civilization of the time. We are not talking about a caveman here. Brutal as hell, agreed, but a dutiful and respectful Roman leader, very likely. Why else would the Jews bring Jesus to him. They knew they could get what they wanted.

 MerLEN Aerosmurf III



saint’s peshar

Never heard the thing about Napoleon; I asked Evil Matt, and he was stumped too.

You ask, “Are you absolutely sure on this one?”  Well, I’m absolutely sure there is no known custom of freeing a prisoner each Passover in Judea.  Now, if you want an “I’m secure in my Christianity” disclaimer to feel better (which strikes me as the case) then let me qualify that it is possible that there was such a tradition, just that no historical source (other than the Gospels) recorded it.  Some testament to its authenticity may be discovered in the future.

Still, you’d think a progressive, positive move such as that would be indicated in some contemporary historical narrative.  As of yet, 2,000 years of archaeology has yet to find any such record that this alleged custom existed.  The lack of evidence to this effect is well documented, too.  More ink has been spilled commenting on the identity of Barabbas (Aramaic for “son of the father”) than on the tradition itself, simply because there is no way to comment on something that has no recorded historical basis and that is blatantly out of synch with Roman practice at the time and specifically the blood-thirsty tyrant (Pilate) alleged to enact it.

Obviously, if you are privy to legitimate information to the contrary that has managed to escape the notice of twenty decades of scriptural research, then please share; both I and the rest of the Biblical scholarly community would be very interested to hear it.


reader feedback



[subject: Reinhard Gehlen]

Aside from some lucky breaks and the greed of impoverished Soviets, the west never really developed a strong foothold inside of the Soviet Union in terms of Human Intelligence. We could out spend them. We could use our technological superiority over them, but when it came to field work, they plain and simply owned the west. How many spy scandals has the west known, where someone in an important, authoritative or administrative postion turned out to be an agent for the Soviet Union?

Gehlen was an interesting fellow. He did have a benefit towards western intelligence, at least initially in that he had an existing network of spies in an area where the majority of the Western nations had none. Granted his network was well infiltrated as early as 1942 by Soviet Intelligence, but there was at least some useful information passed from the Soviet Union to the west. Beyond that, the majority of the information that was passed was probably Counter-Intel or propaganda from some Russian looking to feather his pension or support an expensive habit.




shade’s peshar

Wow... couldn’t have said that better m’self.

Actually, I probably could have, but won’t...



...and in other other news...


The latest from GWBee

Only the Bush Administration could find a way to combine two pet themes of mine, Your Tax Dollars at Work and My Bee Won’t Stop Buzzing...

Bomb-Sniffing Bees

In the latest move on the War Against Terrorism, scientists at the Department of Defense have trained bees to seek out explosives.  This was done by putting small amounts of TNT around succulent flowers, and conditioning the bees to associate the smell of explosives with the smell of pollen.

And no, Im not making this up....

The idea was originally to use the Bomb-Sniffing Bees to help clear minefields, as the Bomb-Sniffing Bees could (theoretically) find the mines without exploding them.  The intrepid insects would be fitted with tiny, sand-sized locators to help track them.  However, some DoD genius decided the Bomb-Sniffing Bees had broader uses, such as detecting suicide bombers or hidden munitions at borders, military bases, and even airports.

bumblebee guy

The plan has some obvious drawbacks, of course, such as it won’t work at night or during inclement weather (cold, rain, etc.)  Not to mention bees don’t live very long, and you would have to keep training new Bomb-Sniffing Bee brigades every few months...

I can just see this: a swarm of Bomb-Sniffing Bees covers an incoming truck at an army base, and troops descend on it only to cry, “look out!  The driver’s got a Dr. Pepper and a Snickers bar!”


ecstacy re-re-revisited



Many of you may remember a while back my encounter with a rather unusual brand of tobacco-free smokes called ‘ecstacy’.

The cigs themselves are long gone, but I still have the box, which you gotta admit is kind of neat.  Aside from the wacky —hey, how often can you say you’ve smoked the Mexican Witching Herb?!?— it’s also got a couple of pieces of Sanskrit script on it that have always intrigued and perplexed me.  A second attempt a year or so ago to clarify via the manufacturers was fruitless.

I was recently discussing this with The Ignition Missionary, and lo and behold, ol’ boy says he has a friend at Yale who is fluent in this Tantric Tongue.  So I ran off some quick scans and passed them along, eagerly awaiting the resolution to this multi-year mystery.


A response, as forwarded by the I.M., was surprisingly quick in coming:


Hey, bud. They aren't written in Tibetan (weird language, which I can't read) — they're in the sanskrit alphabet used in Nepal and India. The first one says "dhimahi"... the second one says "prachodayat" (I think, it's a little fuzzy at the end).

What these words mean, I have no idea. They might just be names, like Marlboro.


So I stuck Evil Matt on the job, and at long last, have an answer.  I think.

dhimahi = “(come) meditate”

prachodayat = “inspire” or “guide to right direction”

Well, now you know.  Sort of.

Still no idea why someone would roll a cigarette with the Mexican Witching Herb, though...


meanwhile, back on the World Domination radar...


New Frontiers in Medicine


In his ground-breaking book Menstruation: Its Causes and Cure, Dr. Raymond Bernard proves (to his satisfaction, at least) that menstruation is merely the result of women eating meat, wearing tight clothes, and having too much sex. 

As the title implies, the book also goes on to remedy the situation: the monthly mess can be “cured” by eating only uncooked vegetables, wearing loose robes, and having sex once a year (on Spring Equinox.) 

Now, ladies, before you toss out your Calvin Kleins, stock up on raw turnips, and forgo nookie ’till next spring, you’ll probably want to know a bit more about this gynecological guru who’ll hopefully take away your menstrual misery.

“Raymond Bernard” was the pen name of Walter Siegmeister (1901-1965).   He also wrote under the nom de plumes Dr. Robert Raymond and Dr. Uriel Adriana, but I’ll refer to him here as “Bernard” for convenience.  His academic accreditations are legit: he had an M.A. from Columbia and a Ph.D. from New York University.  I have been unable to discover what his theses were, though since the last (gained in 1926) was a Ph.D. and not an M.D. they weren’t in medicine.  

Then again, you probably figured that already...

Aside from manuals on menstrual alleviation, Bernard also has a work called Constipation.  As you can probably guess, the cause is eating meat, the cure is eating raw vegetables.  

Dr. Bernard also wrote a number of non-medical books, though, most of which delve into theosophy rather than home remedy.  Summaries of most of the more esoteric works can be found here.  By far the most famous piece of his is The Hollow Earth.  Many consider this to be the definitive tome on the subject, and it is almost certainly the most widely read book on this controversial topic that flies in the face of the obvious plot by geologists to make us think there is (gasp!) solid ground beneath us.

Bernard was convinced his teachings, like those of his contemporary Dr. Wilhelm Reich, were not accepted by the mainstream due to a conspiracy in the academic community to suppress them.  However, unlike Reich, Bernard never had FDA Agents raid his lab, destroy his equipment, burn his notes, and throw him in prison—all because the FDA didn’t agree with him.  Perhaps Bernard suspected such a move was shortly coming, though, which helped his decision to relocate South of the Border with a handful of adherents.  Or perhaps he was craftily leaving the country because he was most likely one step away from an indictment for what I will politely call “financial mismanagement.”  Either way, though, his eventual exodus to Ecuador was encouraged by a few of the more unusual facets of his overall ideology.

Bernard’s beliefs were heavily influenced by the anthroposophical writings of Rudolph Steiner, but his main motivation stimulus and inspiration came from an otherwise unknown Puerto Rican psychic/witch/seer calling herself Payita.  To understand Bernard, it is absolutely crucial to understand Payita’s teachings.  Grossly oversimplified, here’s her world-view, which Bernard whole-heartedly embraced:

The Goddess (who Payita called “Great Mother” and from whom she received regular visits/visitations) parthenogenically created life in the Universe, starting with a race of perfect SuperWomen on Uranus.  [spare the jokes; they’re too obvious.]  Great Mother’s UberFemme spawn also reproduced parthenogenically, but one day one of them gave birth to “defective female” (read: man).  This was Lucifer.  He promptly began causing no end of trouble, encouraging everyone to eat meat and use money.  His offspring began to spread across the solar system, and the farther away from Uranus they got, the more degenerate they became, until they at last reached Earth.  Payita called these the “Terras,” a race about 14 feet tall who inhabited the great city of Atlantis, but after its legendary liquidation they moved underground into the hollow Earth.  Mega-degenerate abomination offspring of theirs (homo sapiens) remained above ground, wallowing in such unforgivable sins as meat eating and money use.

Payita made a number of prophecies during her life, one of which was of special urgency to Bernard: a nuclear war would occur in 1965, wiping clean the planet’s surface of all life.  However, the Terras would save a select, worthy few: those who did not use money, abstained from sex, and only ate raw vegetables.  The Terras would evacuate them just before the mushroom cloud apocalypse and fly them to Mars in UFOs.

Keen readers no doubt notice sharp similarities here to the Heaven’s Gate commune, but I suspect these are largely superficial, as (near as I can tell) Bernard never claimed any divine status for himself, and (fortunately) his followers did not meet the grim vodka and barbiturate finalé that Marshall Applewhite’s clan did.  Whether Bernard’s commune would count as a “cult” is highly subjective anyway, but for now I’m inclined to say no, unless I can uncover more detailed information on the group—which did not seem to even have a self-designated name for themselves.  Obviously, the main parallel seems to be both organizations anticipated salvation by flying saucers.

In light of the last bit, Bernard was an early advocate that all UFO sightings of the late ’40s and ’50s were not extraterrestrials, but actually Terras out joyriding and jokingly passing themselves off as aliens.  He believed that they emerged from an entrance to the hollow Earth somewhere in South America, with Brazil being the best location candidate.

To that end, he set up a commune in Ecuador with roughly forty followers, awaiting Terran evacuation from Earth.  There they disposed of all monetary systems, went completely celibate, and lived off a strict diet of .   According to one account, Bernard completely gave up bathing during the several years he spent at his commune.  He would also lead occasional expeditions into the surrounding jungle, hoping to uncover another entrance to the Terran interior city beneath the Earth’s mantle.

Bernard never lived to see the 1965 atomic holocaust; he died that year of pneumonia.  Surprisingly, his followers were not discouraged by the arrival of a non-nuclear 1966.  By most accounts, they believed he wasn’t dead per sé but had been “taken” Enoch-style to Shamballah and eternal paradise.  There is contextual (if ambiguous) evidence that, as late as 1998, remnants of his Ecuadorian commune still existed.

Although almost all of Bernard’s books are now out of print in the mainstream, many of them can still be bought on line, such as at this site.  

Sadly, Menstruation: Its Causes and Cure is not among the ones offered. 



...meanwhile, moving on from raw vegetables to sea food, we find...


Danny Calamari
& The Squid Conspiracy


1)    Death in West Virginia

A little before 1 p.m. on August 10th, 1991, a maid was making her rounds at the Sheraton Inn hotel in Martinsburg, West Virginia.  She soon reached room 517, and noting no ‘do not disturb’ sign on the knob, knocked.  Getting no answer, she used her passkey and entered; the door’s deadbolt and chain were not in use.  

The bed was unkempt but hadn’t been slept in.  As she debated whether to change sheets anyway, she suddenly saw the bathroom door was open.  Beyond, blood was smeared across the white tile floor.  

Hesitantly, the maid entered, and was met by a most morbid sight.

Aside from the floor, one wall also had gouts of blood splashed onto it, and a clean, medium-sized piece of broken glass lay underneath.  Under the sink was a blood-soaked towel, to which the maid later commented, “it looked like someone threw the towels on the floor and tried to wipe the blood up with their foot, but they didn’t get the blood, they just smeared the floor.”

Inside the tub was a literal pool of blood, as well as the remains of the man who had obviously made it.  A shoelace was tied around his neck, and two plastic wastebasket liners floated in the sangrial bath.  Both arms were visible, and each wrist had bold, deep slashes in them: eight in the left arm, four in the right.

The maid promptly called 911, and after police and paramedics arrived, they removed the body and emptied the tub.  Under the man they found a can of Old Milwaukee and a safety razor.

The police promptly reached the conclusion that this was a suicide, an understandable judgment aided by a discovery in the other room.  On a brand new canary yellow legal pad, a short message had been hand-written in blue ball-point:

To those who I love the most,
Please forgive me for the worst
possible thing I could have done.
Most of all I’m sorry to my son.
I know deep down inside
that God will let me in.

A wallet by the bed confirmed the corpse’s identity: Joseph Daniel Casolaro, known to family and friends as “Danny.”

Paramedics removed Casolaro’s corpse.  Since the cause of death was readily apparent, they decided to skip an autopsy and turned the body directly over to the local funeral home.  There, it was promptly embalmed (and, by one account, rather badly at that.)  Contrary to West Virginia law, this was done without family consent.

It would be two days before any next of kin could be tracked down and notified.  When Danny’s brother Tony received word from the Martinsburg P.D.,  he immediately disbelieved the “suicide” diagnosis.  

Just before leaving for Martinsburg, Danny had explicitly told his brother, “if anything happens to me, don’t believe it’s an accident.”

Danny Casolaro

Danny Casolaro was a writer in his early 40s who had published a wide range of articles in equally diverse periodicals, such as The Washington Post, Home and Auto, and The National Enquirer.  He had even worked on a couple of films, including To Fly Without Wings, narrated by Orson Welles.  

His current project, however, was an extended piece of investigative journalism that had consumed his efforts and attention for over a year and a half.  It had quickly bloomed to book-length.  His original plan was to call it A Pale Horse (as in Revelation 6:8) but after careful consideration of the rapidly expanding subject matter, he opted for the title The Octopus

The term was Casolaro’s own, used to describe what he saw as a conspiracy of ostensibly unrelated tentacles that indeed had a single head secretly controlling them.

Casolaro had been in Martinsburg to meet with a source who he apparently believed would help tie the whole story cohesively together.  Just before leaving, he had told friends and family he was “going to bring back the head of the Octopus.”

Conspicuously missing from Casolaro’s hotel suite were his notes and files, which he habitually took everywhere with him.

2)    Dark PROMIS

The concept for The Octopus spawned in 1989, when a friend at a computer trade magazine turned Danny onto a scandal involving a small software firm and the U.S. Justice Department.  The company was the Institute for Law and Social Research, commonly called Inslaw, founded and run by William and Nancy Hamilton.  

In 1982, the Hamiltons had developed a law enforcement software program called Prosecutor’s Management Information System, or PROMIS.  By 1982 standards, PROMIS was way ahead of its time, in that if coded correctly it could interface with any computer platform and allow instant data sharing over a vast national network.  Common enough nowadays, but revolutionary back in ’82.  PROMIS also possessed a number of other perks that made it, on the whole, a prime piece of programming ideal for policework.

The Justice Department expressed great interest in PROMIS, and signed a deal with Inslaw to buy the initial run for $10 million and install it in twenty of the top prosecutor offices across the country.  If they liked it, they would renew the option and distribute it to up to a hundred more.  Through extended licensing rights, the Hamiltons estimated their program could ultimately be worth several billion in income.

The Hamiltons delivered their PROMIS in early ’83, but instead of getting any payment, they got an extended legal battle when the Justice Department refused to pay up or even return the software.

And although the Hamiltons didn’t know it yet, around this time the Justice Department began using a software package suspiciously similar to PROMIS, installing it nationwide and even selling it to governments abroad.

By 1985 it was obvious to all involved that the government wasn’t going to honor the contract.  The Hamilton’s lawyer was former U.S. Attorney General Elliot Richardson, famous for taking a stand against Nixon during Watergate.  Richardson advised the Hamiltons to sue, especially when several insiders began stepping forth saying it had never been Justice’s intent to pay in the first place.  

In September 1987, Judge George Bason ruled in favor of the Hamiltons on Inslaw vs. The United States of America, stating that the Justice Department had clearly attempted to steal PROMIS and bankrupt Inslaw through an “outrageous, deceitful, and fraudulent game of cat and mouse, demonstrating contempt for both the law and any principal of fair dealing.”  An appeals court upheld this ruling.  

Before damages could be rewarded, however, Judge Bason suddenly received word that he would not be reappointed, and as such was essentially removed from the case before any further rulings could be issued. The new presiding judge threw the case out on dubious technical grounds, effectively allowing the Justice Department to get away with their shenanigans.

This was where things stood in late 1989, when Danny Casolaro first met with the Hamiltons to discuss a brief exposé on the affair.  

Although he had no idea at the time, Casolaro had just stumbled across a tentacle of the Octopus.

3)    Danger Man

As stated, several people had come forth to testify that there was a very real conspiracy within the Justice Department to steal PROMIS and bankrupt Inslaw.  Easily the most important—and unusual—of these witnesses was Michael Riconosciuto.

Riconosciuto was a prodigy from Washington state with an I.Q. easily in the genius range.  At age 10 he strung up an alternative telephone system for his neighborhood.  His high school science project was a fully functional argon laser, and when he was 16 he was a research assistant for Nobel laureate Dr. Arthur Schalow.

Riconosciuto also did contract work for the Government, and by his own admission this included code modifications to the PROMIS software.  These modifications included an invisible back door that would allow certain users to access file contents without detection.  The version Riconosciuto worked on was secretly sold to the Canadian Royal Mounted Police and Canadian Security And Intelligence Service for trial runs abroad.

Riconosciuto was also apparently involved in several other, darker side projects indirectly related to PROMIS, and since “Riconosciuto” is a mouthful, Casolaro coined a more appropriate moniker for him: Danger Man.

Danger Man swore out a signed affidavit admitting his role in PROMIS modification on March 21st, 1991.  

Within a week, he was arrested for methamphetamine manufacture.  

Per Danger Man at the time, “I’ve come up with the cheapest way to refine platinum there is.  But I’m screwed because they’ll try to show that the chemicals I use are precursor ingredients to making methamphetamine.”

Relatively few, myself included, believe this alibi, though most, myself included, acknowledge that the timing of the arrest is highly suspicious.

Whatever the case, Danger Man did have a detailed knowledge of PROMIS source code, strongly suggesting credibility to his claims of being involved with its modification.  Moreover, many elements of his story of PROMIS’s post-modification have been independently verified.

It was when Danny Casolaro began to learn of these, and their respective tangled tangents, that he knew he was onto something bigger than simple software stealing.

4)    Intertwining Tentacles


Back in late April of 1983, when the sale of PROMIS still looked, well, promising, William Hamilton received an unexpected cold call from Dominic Laiti, the chairman of an otherwise unknown rival software firm called Hadron, Inc. 

Laiti wanted to buy the proprietary rights to PROMIS.  Hamilton wasn’t interested anyway, but the skimpy six-figure amount offered for this potentially billion-dollar piece of software was just short of insulting.  When Hamilton politely declined, he was brusquely told that Hadron had powerful connections in the Reagan Administration, and “we have ways of making you sell.”

Almost immediately after that call, the deal with the Justice Department began to unravel.

Hadron, Inc. was controlled by Dr. Earl Brian, a close associate and crony of Reagan Attorney General Ed Meese.

Meese, by most accounts, was a major player in almost all variations of the “October Surprise” scenario.  For those who don’t know this “theory,” Reagan associates (ahem, allegedly) held covert negotiations with the Iranian government prior to the 1980 election, basically offering to trade to the Iranians weaponry in exchange for Tehran not releasing the American Embassy hostages.  Had the hostages come home before voting time, President Carter’s popularity would have dramatically risen, and the election would have been a lot closer than the landslide it turned into.  The Iranians were desperately in need of money and guns for their war with Iraq, so supposedly Republican henchmen offered to covertly unfreeze financial assets and start sending them weapons if the Iranians would hold onto the hostages until after the election.

Conspiracy theory aside, one must admit it is unusual that the proposed terms of this alleged deal are exactly what happened.  Failure to resolve the hostage crisis was the biggest nail in Carter’s reelection coffin, yet within fifteen minutes of Reagan’s taking Oath of Office, the hostages were suddenly freed.  Almost immediately, $15 billion in Iranian funds were surreptitiously unfrozen, and by the end of  the year munitions began to be secretly (and illegally) shipped to Iran—the infamous Iran/Contra scandal from which Oliver North gained 15 minutes of infamy.

A surprising corroboration to the truthfulness of the October Surprise thesis comes from former Iranian President Abol Hassan Bani-Sadr, who quickly fell out of favor with the fundamentalist regime in mid 1981 and left Iran in fear of his life.  He insists the October Surprise was a done deal, though he only learned of it after the fact and would have balked his country’s bartering with the Great Satan had he known at the time.

Ari Ben-Menache, a former Mossad agent, claims to have been present at several of the October Surprise meetings in Paris, acting as an intermediary between the Reagan and Iranian factions.  He says Vice Presidential candidate George Bush was at one meeting, and curiously, Bush’s diary has a 24 hour gap for precisely this time period.  Ben-Menache also insists that Earl Brian was present for at least one meeting.  

Per both Ben-Menache and Danger Man, Brian’s reward for his part in the October Surprise was the PROMIS software, as well as any resulting profits from its sale internationally.  As to that, Ben-Menashe claims to have helped broker the sale of PROMIS to various middle-east governments, as well as South Korea’s equivalent to the CIA.  Indeed, Danger Man says that “as many as eighty-eight” foreign countries were eventually sold custom-tailored versions of the software, all with his back-door access secretly installed.

Both Ben-Menache and Danger Man also claim that money from the sale of PROMIS was laundered through BCCI, the covert international bank bombshell that exploded into a wide scandal in 1990.  [Hopefully BCCI is old news to faithful WDU readers, but for those unfamiliar with it, here’s the harsh Senate report on it.]

As Danny Casolaro continued to dig and uncover these details, he could hardly believe what he was finding.  And perhaps rightly so: it does read like a rather bad Tom Clancy or Robert Ludlum novel.  However, too many of the interweaving threads of this web were independently verifiable to dismiss.

One strand that is especially curious, if not downright disturbing if true, is the Cabazon connection.

5)    Indio

The Cabazons are a small tribe of Native Americans situated in a desolate half-dozen acres just outside of Indio, California.  

The Cabazon nation was run by a non-native outsider, the conspicuously caucasian John Philip Nichols, who maneuvered his way into power through shady means in 1978.  His lock on power was solidified in 1982 with the mysterious murder of his primary rival in the Tribe, Fred Alvarez.  There is evidence that Nichols had CIA connections, if not actual employment.  At one point he even bragged about his involvement in the CIA-backed assassination of Chilean President Allende, though of course he later denied this.

Despite there being less than fifty full-blood Cabazons in existence, the Cabazon Tribe had been granted a Reservation on May 15, 1876 by American President (and Alcoholic Par Excelance) Ulysses S. Grant.

As a Reservation, they are effectively (and legally) their own Sovereign Nation.  This means they are bound solely by their own laws, not those of the United States.  As such, they are not obligated to honor things like the Geneva Convention addendum which prohibits certain types of weapons testing.  Unlike the United States, which signed said addendum in 1972, the Cabazon Nation demonstratably never did, and could thus legally ignore it completely.

For this very reason, a small company called Cabazon Arms was set up on their reservation in the early ’80s.

Cabazon Arms was a joint venture between Nichols and the notorious Wackenhunt Corporation.  Wackenhunt was—indeed still is—the third-largest private detective and security firm in the world.  The company was founded by former FBI agent George Wackenhunt, who is generally considered to be one of the few people even more paranoid than his former boss, J. Edger Hoover.  To this day, the Wackenhunt Corporation privately supplies security to a number of government projects, including nuclear power plants, NASA, and, according to a number of sources, even the infamous Area 51.  Wackenhunt also was the private police force on the Cabazon Reservation.

Cabazon Arms manufactured a majority of the weapons that found their way to both the Iranians and the Nicaraguan Contras.  

They also pioneered new deadly technology.  Next-generation fuel-air explosives, of which the ‘daisy cutter’ is the most (in)famous, were first created and tested on Cabazon lands.

Several have asserted that the fuel-air bomb used by terrorists to kill over 300 U.S. Marines in Beirut on October 23rd, 1983 was manufactured at the Indio reservation; however, I have been unable to track down any actual basis for this claim.

Equally sinister are allegations by both Danger Man and Ben-Menashe that Cabazon Arms was experimenting with biological and parthenogenic weapons otherwise forbidden under International Law.

Whatever the case, a September 10, 1981 report by the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department placed both “Michael Riconosciuto” and “Earl Brian with the CIA” at a weapons demonstration put on jointly by the Cabazons and Wackenhunt at the Lake Cauchilla gun range at Indio.

Danger Man claimed that it was on Cabazon property that he and a team of others had worked on modifying the PROMIS software.

Intrigued by this strange place, Danny Casolaro had plans to visit it and interview Nichols.  But first he wanted to meet with an informed source in Martinsburg, West Virginia.

6)    The Death of Danny

Casolaro was actually meeting two people that trip.  One was Bill Turner, a disgruntled employee of Hughes Aircraft, who supplied Danny with documentation of corruption at Hughes.  How this fit in with the Octopus thesis is unknown, though supposedly parts of the corruption had to do with Pentagon contracts.  Turner says Casolaro put the documents he gave him in an accordion file case, which to this day has never been recovered.

The identity of the second source has been a point of speculation among researchers into the matter.  The day before his death, Danny did meet in the Sheridan Inn’s lounge with a man described by the waitress serving them as “maybe Arab or Iranian.”  They talked at some length, then departed separately.  

Casolaro was last seen alive at 10 o’clock Saturday night, when he had a convenience store clerk brew up fresh coffee for him.

Earlier that same day, back at his home in Fairfax, Virginia, Danny’s housemaid Olga began receiving anonymous calls.  Casolaro claimed to have been receiving them sporadically for several months, but the morning before his body was discovered, they seemed to start in earnest, with about five coming in over the course of the day.  Messages ran the gambit from “Drop dead!” to “I will cut up his body and throw it to the sharks!”

Which, unfortunately, is pretty much what happened.  

The day after Casolaro’s death, Village Voice editor Dan Bischoff received an anonymous call urging him to “look into the disappearance of a reporter investigating the October Surprise in West Virginia.”

Obviously, Casolaro was investigating more than just the October Surprise and the Inslaw scandal.  His surviving notes and the rough, uncompleted draft of his manuscript show he was weaving together an intricate web of events that touched upon major details in American history since World War Two, including Watergate and the JFK assassination. The head of his metaphorical sea beast was a shadow government that really ran things.  And Danny Casolaro sincerely believed he was close to proving its existence.

It would seem that someone else thought so, too.

It is now generally accepted by everyone except the most skeptical that Danny Casolaro was murdered.  To all but the most hardened, it’s a safe bet that he was killed for getting too close to the truth, whatever that truth may have been.  

The Hotel suite crime scene was hopelessly compromised mere minutes after the Martinsburg maid found Danny’s dead body, especially with arriving police treating the scene as a suicide instead of a homicide.  Any forensic evidence was lost at that point, so the specific hit men perpetrating Casolaro’s murder will almost certainly never be known.  

It’s a given, though, that even these fiends were but low level henchmen; marionettes whose strings were pulled by a higher-up Octopus puppeteer.

No one knows for certain which tentacle of the Octopus dragged poor Danny down under.  Theories abound from the obvious suspects like Reagan cronies concealing October Surprise secrets, to the mafia—a recurring theme in Casolaro’s notes, though ignored here for space considerations.  One researcher even suggests that henchmen from Hughes Industries did the deadly deed.

Really: it’s anyone’s guess.

My guess, of course, is that the Brain Police did it.

7)    So how much of this is Horse Hockey?

Much of Casolaro’s research beyond the otherwise documentable PROMIS scandal rests on the reliability of Michael “Danger Man” Riconosciuto.

Although much of what Danger Man claims can be verified, parts also smell like self-serving bullshit.  I, for one, am especially skeptical of Danger Man’s claim that he had witnessed an actual alien autopsy at Area 51.

In light of the last, Danger Man claims that much of what Casolaro found out was deliberate misinformation fed to him from one part of the “secret ”government trying to discredit/embarrass the other.  The two factions, he says, were Aquarius and Majestic 12 — names that need no introduction to Area 51/alien conspiracy aficionados.

My main view on all of this is: if what Danger Man were saying were true, he’d be dead by now.  However, Michael Riconosciuto is still among the living, and still serving time on drug charges.  The most recent thing I could find on/by him was technical commentary on computer encryption from 1997.

Although Danger Man is apparently alive and well, there have been a number of suspicious deaths involved with the whole Octopus affair—too many to list here in context.

Indeed, that is probably the scariest part of all this: the above article summation is the short version!  Danny Casolaro spent almost two years researching this, and his findings would have been book-length.

8)    post mortem publication

Danny’s unfinished rough draft manuscript, and a substantial portion of his notes, were recovered from his home by his brother Tony.  Among these was the outline of the overall project, which gives a glimpse to his intended targets.  Many of the names and events are staples of conspiratorial lore, many of them are new to novices and Veterans of the Paranoid alike.  It is curious to note that by the standards of the overall draft, the Inslaw scandal that started the whole thing ended up being hardly a factor in his book.

Large parts of Casolaro’s notes were directly excerpted by Kenn Thomas and Jim Keith, who combine and continue Casolaro’s groundbreaking work to make a book of their own, The Octopus - Secret Government and the Death of Danny Casolaro.  While there are certainly other articles, books, and web sites on the matter, the Thomas/Keith work is the most well known on this otherwise obscure affair.  The book went out of print surprisingly (some say suspiciously) fast, but is still available used from Amazon or remaindered from the publisher, Feral House

Intrigued readers are referred to it, though be warned: I tend to find Casolaro’s prose a bit, well, pretentious.

Then again, as saint bluntly rebuts: “Pretentious?!?  Like you can point fingers, dude: you’re wordier than Tolstoy and have an unhealthy obsession with alliteration and internal rhyme schemes.  Jeez; gimme a break...”


... and speaking of harsh words from our Fearless Leader among Equals...


Continuing the trend of debunking things we hold dear, saint orates:


saint’s sermon:  Thomas 12:1-2


Although I’m a big supporter of the Gospel of Thomas, I am also among the first to admit that parts of it are almost certainly spurious inserts slid in by followers to fit their own agenda rather than Jesus’s.

Of course, I also believe the same claim can be made of the Canonical gospels, but with Thomas, the inauthentic filler material is a little easier to spot.  Sayings with a blatantly Gnostic flavor can usually be discounted on sight.  Sometimes, however, the chaff is a lot harder to separate than the wheat, and a really good example of that is the twelfth saying in the series.


The disciples said to Jesus, “We know that you will depart from us.  Who is it that will be great over us?”  Jesus said to them, “Wherever you have come, you will go to James the Just, for whose sake Heaven and Earth came into being.”

—Thomas 12:1-2


The problems here are two-fold.  Let’s start at the beginning.

The disciples said to Jesus, “We know that you will depart from us.”

One thing both tradition and the Canonical gospels are pretty uniform in portraying is that Jesus’s followers usually had no idea what he was talking about.  They may have been loyal and devoted to him, but in terms of actually understanding what he was talking about, they usually missed the message.  Jesus himself seemed frustrated by this, and in Matthew 13:14 said such incomprehension was the fulfillment of Isaiah 6:9 “You shall indeed hear but never understand.”

Granted, Jesus frequently spoke metaphorically, using deliberately obscure parables to convey his message.  The Bible makes it clear that even his followers were perplexed by this.  A few random examples:


And when he was alone, those who were with him with the twelve asked him concerning the parables.  And he said to them, “To you has been given the secret to the kingdom of God, but for those outside everything is in parables, so that they may indeed see but not perceive, and may indeed hear but not understand, lest they should turn again and be forgiven.”  And he said to them, “Do you not understand this parable?  How then will you understand all the parables?”

—Mark 4:10-13




“Let these words sink into your ears; for the Son of Man is to be delivered into the hands of men.”  But they did not understand this saying, and it was concealed from them, that they should not perceive it; and they were afraid to ask him about this saying.” 

—Luke 9:44-45


Even when Jesus spoke plainly, his followers frequently didn’t catch on.  The most notorious example of this:


And he began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things, and be rejected by the elders and the chief priests and the scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again.  And he said this plainly.  And Peter took him, and began to rebuke him.  But turning and seeing his disciples, he rebuked Peter, and said “Get behind me, Satan!  For you are not on the side of God, but of men.”

—Mark 8:31-33


Hopefully the pattern here is obvious: even when Jesus spells things out plainly, those in his inner circle frequently miss the message.  We have just seen a concrete example where Peter had the impending resurrection laid out flatly for him and he still didn’t get it; therefore, I have trouble believing the Thomas 12 claim that his disciples knew Jesus would be leaving soon.

Even if they did, however, it is necessary to look at why they bring this issue up to see the greater problem with this passage.  They want to know “who will be great over us?”  Although they occasionally argue over “who is greatest among us” (Mark 9:33-34 & parallels) the context (especially from the answer) is clear: who will be leader once Jesus is gone.

Jesus answer is surprising to Biblical newbies, but somewhat obvious for those versed in the matter: James the Just.  

James the Just (or, James the Righteous) was also known as “James the Lord’s Brother” (Galatians 1:9).  He was indeed Jesuss younger brother (Matthew 13:55).  According to New Testament scholar Hyam Maccaby, “For whose sake Heaven and Earth came into being” was a fairly common Judaic phrase of respect and endearment in circulation at that time.

James was, indeed, the one to eventually assume the mantle of the Early Church, until about twenty years later when Paul came along and challenged his authority.  Paul and James disagreed, apparently vehemently, over many issues, most notably the inclusion of gentiles into the Church and just how relevant the Mosaic law was after Jesus’s resurrection.  [for those who missed all this, check out my earlier sermon for some background.]  The Book of Acts tends to downplay (read: whitewash) this, as its author, Luke, was a traveling companion of Paul, firmly in his theological camp, and Acts was written decades after the debate had (in Luke’s mind, at least) been settled.  However, during the debate, the tension is much more evident in Paul’s own letters, which were frequently written defending his views against and/or attacking the Jamesian position.  Paul even says “Even if an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to that which we (read: I) preach to you, let him be accursed.” (Galatians 1:8)  What an arrogant little bastard!  The meaning is clear: Paul denounces anyone who disagrees with him, including angels, let alone Jesus’s brother and successor.

Here’s the point of all this, though.  The Paul/James conflict did not happen until about twenty years after Jesus’s death.  The Thomas 12 saying smacks me as coming from precisely this time period, and being blatantly pro-James/anti-Paul propaganda. 

Certainly it makes sense that Jesus would nominate James as successor, wanting to keep the Ministry “in the family” and all, but I truly don’t think the issue would even have come up.  The apostles rarely knew what Jesus was talking about anyway, so their recognizing an impending messianic death and need for a successor strikes me as back-dating an effort to establish James’s authority over Paul.


Feel free to .


Ask Evil Matt


Q:  what do you know about a tradition that napoleon scratched his nuts before entering into battle?

A:  I’d have to say this is a myth; after doing some research, I could find no reference to it whatsoever.  That in itself strongly suggests its fictitiousness, as the majority of legends at least have some reference point and at least show up somewhere, albeit with the disclaimer “this is a legend...”  Something like this is curious enough that it would almost certainly have a citing somewhere, even if only to discredit it.

Q:  Hello,

I am doing meditative explorations as a hobby.

I want to do some experiments on myself using sodium pentathol.

Can you give some instruction on how to get or make a sample of this compound.

Thank you in advance.

A:  Take 11 parts carbon, 17 parts hydrogen, 2 parts nitrogen, 2 parts oxygen, 1 part sulfur, and 1 part sodium.  Mix in a blender; serve over ice.

Q:  Evil Matt,

Since you're dead, and so is the star of the #1 hit movie 'Deepthroat', could you ask her if she was forced by her husband to do that movie, or if she really is the godless whore that we all came to know her as?

A:  Linda Susan Boreman (aka Linda Lovelace) has been rather busy since her arrival in Heaven on April 22, so I have been unable to talk to her personally; the waiting list is longer than Harry Reems.  However, the story of her being forced at gunpoint by her boyfriend into the adult film industry is something many people have trouble buying.  Linda’s first film, “Linda & the German Sheppard” (made in 1969) was essentially an amateur home movie starring her and an unnamed canine, but it would be three more years before her “mainstream” debut with “Deep Throat.”  By most accounts, she repeatedly —and enthusiastically— “auditioned” with director Gerard Damiano’s business partner (and father) for the role, which calls into question the credibility of her alleged unwillingness told about in her autobiography “Coercion.”  All other parties have vehemently denied her side.  It is possible that it’s true, but most, myself included, find the story, well, hard to swallow.

Q:  Whales, Scotland, and England. Are they states of the United Kingdom? Or seperate countries? And what does Great Britain consist of?

A:  Great Britain is composed of England, Scotland, Wales, and North Ireland.  The four are essentially territories of the whole.



Got a question?  .

    And finally,,,

The Hedgehog Corner

By Harriet the Hedgehog


Holy Hedgehog!


Zoroastrianism was a mystical, quasi-gnostic religion of the ancient Persia, started pre-B.C. but revived and most active in the first few centuries A.D.  “Zoroaster” (its mystical/mythical head) is more commonly translated “Zarathustra,” a fact Neitsche took to heart in one of his books.  Although Christianity dealt with it harshly, the main challenge and demise came from Islamic proselytization.  However, a small offshoot, the Mandeans, still function to this day in Iraq.

One of the most sacred texts of Zoroastrianism was The Vendidad.  Chapter 13:1-4, Fargard, (translated here by James Darmesteter and liberally lifted from this site) is especially interesting:


1. “Which is the good creature among the creatures of the Good Spirit that from midnight till the sun is up goes and kills thousands of the creatures of the Evil Spirit?”

2. Ahura Mazda answered: “The dog with the prickly back, with the long and thin muzzle, the dog Vanghapara, which evil-speaking people call the Duzaka; this is the good creature among the creatures of the Good Spirit that from midnight till the sun is up goes and kills thousands of the creatures of the Evil Spirit.”

3. “And whosoever, O Zarathushtra! shall kill the dog with the prickly back, with the long and thin muzzle, the dog Vanghapara, which evil-speaking people call the Duzaka, kills his own soul for nine generations, nor shall he find a way over the Chinwad bridge, unless he has, while alive, atoned for his sin.”

4. “O Maker of the material world, thou Holy One! If a man kill the dog with the prickly back, with the long and thin muzzle, the dog Vanghapara, which evil-speaking people call the Duzaka, what is the penalty that he shall pay?”

Ahura Mazda answered: “A thousand stripes with the Aspahe-astra, a thousand stripes with the Sraosho-charana.”



Moral: don’t mess with us, man: we’re sacred




    That’s all for now, kids, so remember:


      Trust no one

      Deny Everything

      and Always keep your lighter handy!


© 2002 (VI,iii)

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