I hear ya, Rev, & agree whole-heartedly!  You are not alone, by the way: Bruddah Max verbally expressed a similar sentiment to me.  The “quizling” comment can actually be attributed to Evil Matt, who appropriately handles answer scoring for the quizzes.  If you know E.M. then you know he’s a “Mr. Know-It-All” of Bullwinkle J. Moose proportions, so his snide, smart-ass snipe can be understood, if not excused.

Truth be said, I think shade was just hard up for a ‘secret word’ last issue ’round, and E.M.’s sarcastic comment tickled his funny bone.  I’ve never fully understood shade’s logic on the Secret Word section/selection anyway, and since he’s not here to defend himself, I’ll just drop it, except to explain it to those out there scratching their heads going “huh???”

Vidkun Quisling (1887–1945) was the pro-German Prime Minister of Norway during the Second World War, and he actively (indeed, enthusiastically!) collaborated with the Nazi occupiers of his nation.  Much like “Judas,” Quisling’s name and legacy have passed into our language to synonymize with “traitor.”  E.M. was making a pithy potshot at the “traitors” who took the Branch Floridian Quizzes and simply surfed for the answers, copying them verbatim without any “think for yourself” embellishments.   

The title for this issue of the Update, “Phallus in Wonderland,” came to shade one day in December during a brain flash that left him cackling (yes, cackling!) for a full five minutes.  After sharing the mirth, it was pointed out to him that the name had already been claimed as the title to a GWAR album/movie.  

It should probably go without saying that shade is no GWAR fan and hasn’t heard anything over a ten-second sound byte of theirs.  The name “Phallus in Wonderland” is kind of obvious, especially given shade’s known favoritism for Lewis Carroll.

Anyway, we’ll let it slide...  this time. 

But of course you already knew that, didn’t you...

 

  The Mix

Ok, y’all know me: smoke like a tire fire, and swill coffee pretty much nonstop.  This is especially true when I’m working.  My desk is usually covered with about an 1/8" of cigarette ash, and I have 3 or 4 soda cans lying around which usually get turned into ash trays because I can never remember where I moved my “real” ’tray to.

Anyway, Saturday night, I’m up late working on my web.  I’m using an empty root beer can for an ash tray, resting the cig on top while I type.  Right next to the can is the coffee cup from the morning.  All that’s left is maybe 1/8" of semi-solid coffee with a syrup consistency; much of it is sugar that crystallized when it cooled down.

I got particularly involved in something and ignored the cig; I had balanced it so most of the filter was hanging off the side for easy grabbing.  Anyway, it burned down enough that the filter weight caused it to fall over the side of the can.  Right into the morning coffee cup.

It landed filter down, right in the “syrup.”  Stuck straight up like a nubby thin finger.  It was still burning; had a few puffs left to it even.  I pulled it out and prepared to drop it into the root beer can to kill it, but noticed the ring of syrup around the filter.

What the hell; I took a puff off of it, and IT WAS THE BEST TASTING CIGARETTE I EVER HAD.  Sweet coffee flavor to it, plus my lips were very lickable from the syrup.

So I dumped that cig, got a fresh one, and stuck it filter down into the coffee cup a few seconds before lighting it.  Same thing; really tasty.

I might be on to something...  Just need to work barbecue sauce into the equation.

Duran DurFlax :  Hungry like the Flax, Union of the Flax, New Moon on Flaxday, The ReFlax

The Artist formerly known as “Flax” :  Little Flax Corvette, Nineteen-Ninety-Flax, Purple Flax, When Doves Flax, Under the Cherry Flax

penciled in (but currently unconfirmed): Vanilla Flax {Flax Flax Baby}, and Flaxie Goes to Hollywood {ReFlax (don’t do it).}  Unfortunately, AnFlax and Flaxom & Jetsom had to pull out.

of course, our biggest coup d’flax will be getting:

Flax Zappa & the Mothers of Flaxvention: Hungry Flax (Daddy), Ain’t got no Flax to give, Who are the Flax Police?, I’m not Flaxified, Help I’m a Flax, The Illinois Flaxima Bandit, Bwanna Flax, Flaxie the Mountain, The Flax Page #2, Baby Flax, Rudy wants to buy yez some Flax, Flaxin’ Fool, This Town is a sealed Flax Sandwich, I have Flax in you, Fountain of Flax, Prelude to the Afternoon of a Sexually Aroused Flax Mask, Big Flaxie, Let’s make the water turn Flax, Take your clothes off when you Flax, Theme from the 3^rd movement of Sinister Flaxwear, The Son of Flaxie Creamcheese, Flaxentine Pogen, Lonesome Cowboy Flax, Lemme take you to the Flax, Lucile has messed my flax up, Advanced RoFlax, Honey don’t you want a flax like me, Why does it hurt when I flax?, Brown Flax Don’t Make it, Who needs the Flax Corps?, Alien OriFlax, Stinkflax, Cruisin’ for Flax, Flax with dirty little lips, Latex Solar Flax, Valley Flax, Broken hearts are for flaxholes, Weasels Ripped my Flax, Don’t eat the yellow flax

{shade would like to thank BruddahMax (aka BruddahFlax) for helping to book a large portion of these acts)

Flash in the Brainpan

Most of us already knew that our laws have flaws—shade’s ordeal proves that—but nothing illustrates this on the federal level more than the 21^st Amendment.

        To understand the 21^st Amendment, it is necessary to also understand the 18^th, because the 21^st is nothing less than the voiding of the 18^th.

        A quick refresher in Constitutional law: the 18^th Amendment was the prohibition of liquor.  The 21^st was the repeal of that same law.

The fact that a law would be put on the books and then voided out within 10 years is a great indication that our lawmakers don’t know what the hell they’re doing.  It also sets a strange precedent in our nation’s legal history.  The Constitution is not infallible, it is a living, growing document, and it is subject to internal change and even cancellation.

The 18^th Amendment was passed on January 16, 1919, and took effect 1 year later, ushering in “The Roaring 20’s.”  The wide degree to which Prohibition was broken by people needing a drink shows its great unpopularity.  The United States public did not vote on this law, but rather it was maneuvered in by a group called the Anti-Saloon League, a temperance-touting minority that had a lot of clout and money.  The ASL managed to get a majority of Congressional candidates elected in 1915 with the understanding that these people would support a nation-wide Prohibitive legislation.  And sure enough, they did.

Although many people whimsically reflect on Prohibition as “The Noble Experiment” there is no question that in practice it was an unmitigated disaster.  Organized crime had existed before, but Prohibition played perfectly into its hands, giving it a virtual monopoly on alcoholic profits and helping broaden its power base in major cities.  Gangsters like Al Capone came to the fore because of Prohibition, and bootlegging was unquestionable the cash cow of the underworld.  Not only that, but Prohibition helped cripple the American economy by taking away millions of dollars of revenue from legitimate distilleries, and putting it in the hands of tax-avoiding criminals.

Indeed, it is my personal opinion that this was the reason for its repeal at the end of 1933.  The Great Depression was in full force, and aside from people needing a way to numb themselves from the economic horror surrounding them, the repeal of Prohibition was seen as a way to help kick-start the economy.

The 18^th Amendment demonstrates just how easy it is for an unpopular law to be pushed in by a minority, forcing its will over the majority of opinion.

Likewise, the 21^st Amendment shows how easy it is to toss out a law that people disagree with.  This shows that American laws are not set in stone, but are continuously evolving and even then are wrought with contradiction.

Feel free to .

 

Q:  How many Ice Ages have their been?  How frequent are they?  And what is the current status of the next one, with global warming in the equation?

by Harriet the Hedgehog

“Dogma” is defined as “a set of beliefs that are considered to be true to the extent that they are not to be questioned or challenged for accuracy, but accepted on blind faith.”  All religions have dogma, as do most of the sciences.  An example of Christian dogma would be “Jesus Christ rose on the third day”; Islamic Dogma is “Mohammed was the last, greatest prophet.”  A non-theological application: “2 + 2 = 4” could be considered mathematical dogma.

“Dogma” is generally held in disdain by Branch Floridians, who believe that it is invalidated by the “exception to every rule” clause of “reality.”  Dogma can get pretty messy, especially when your dogma gets run over by your karma.

Discordians (Hail Eris!) also recognize this fact, and in parody parade, not dogma, but “catma” as a sum of their “beliefs.”  Well, Branch Floridians have finally entered the arena to espouse, not dogma or catma, but...

 

Hedgehogma

 

            You can probably already guess what it is:

 

trust no one
deny everything
always keep your lighter handy

all things are subjective
there is an exception to every rule

think for yourself!

 

 write to Harriet: 

 

            And on that note, I’m outta here!

           

© 2001 (V,i)