World Domination Update
“Ladies and gentlemen, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
have left
the building”
vol. VIII, iss. vi
“The voice of one crying in the wilderness”
—Matthew 3:3
Quote
of the Moment: “The problem is that the good Lord didn’t
see fit to always put oil and gas resources where there are democratic
governments.”—Dick Cheney
Secret Word of the Day: “Kiki doesn’t like your birds.”
Site of the Week: Dubya
the Theologian — the religious “wit” of President Bush
Barbecue Sauce of the Month: Road Runner Café special house
sauce
In this issue:
· Branch Imposters!
· Crashing the Camaro
· The Christian Right and Canaan
· Scriptural Slavery
· Ask Evil Matt
· Hamsters Ripped My Flesh
Hi, Boys & Girls!!!
Figured I should hedge my bet and get out an Update before the election, just in case the W.rong side wins and Branch Floridianism gets PATRIOT Acted away...
I honestly don’t know how this one’ll turn out, thanks to the gerrymandering of the Electoral College. Even then, we all know Bush stole the last election, so I se no reason to think that he won’t try so again this go-round if vote returns don’t end up to his liking.
All I can say is that with the amount of support Bush has despite his record, either there are a lot of sheep out there who buy Brain Police product marketing, or they think Kerry is even worse. Then again, I’m voting for Harriet, so what the hell do I know?
Still, it saddens me to realize how many people have been taken in by the Brain Police con on Dubya. The debates were especially illuminating. Bush both blew it and summed up his ineptness on his first direct question in the first debate:
LEHRER:
New question, Mr. President, two minutes. Do you believe the election of Senator Kerry on November the 2nd would increase the chances of the U.S. being hit by another 9/11-type terrorist attack?
BUSH: No, I don't believe it's going to happen. I believe I'm going to win, because the American people know I know how to lead.
Bush dodged the question, talking about himself instead of acknowledging that he might lose. This sums up one of his major character flaws, which directly led to the mess in Iraq: he has an inability to think about unpleasant alternatives (in this case, a Kerry presidency), speculate, or contemplate possibilities. Bush thought the Iraqis would welcome us with open arms and red carpets, and he still refuses to admit that the place is a mess. Bush obviously does not want to think about things that conflict with his narrow-minded worldview. I truly don’t think he’s imaginative enough to be able to, and instead relies on what Darth Cheney and his PNAC cabinet tell him.
Bush obviously swallows it, and expects the American—indeed world—populace to likewise blindly comply with his whims and wishes. If you are what you eat, I guess Bush has ostrich egg omelets for breakfast.
And for reasons completely beyond me, a lot of lemmings are lining up for that nasty buffet table right behind him. Obviously, the Branch Floridian goal of getting people to think for themselves hasn’t caught on.
But you already knew that, didn’t you...
...meanwhile, back at the ranch...
It may have taken nine years, but apparently we Branch Floridians have finally pissed off the Brain Police enough that they are taking overt action against us in a concerted effort to shut us down. I am speaking, of course, about the barrage of hurricanes launched against us in September.
It’s already an established fact the the Brain Police have been controlling weather for at least fifty years; any doubt was removed right after Y2K when a list of Y2K glitches was released. So they obviously have the motive and the means for a preemptive strike against us.
As Auric Goldfinger once opined, “Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, and three times is enemy action.” Well, four hit Florida in a span of six weeks. What’s more, two of them (Frances and Jeanne) made landfall exactly at the original home of the Branch, the Octopus Garden. Fortunately, Sisbooomba and Chip did a bust-up job of battening down the hatches and boarding up, so there was no major damage to Fort Branch Florida. Sisbooomba and Chip locked themselves in a bathroom and, well, weathered out both storms. I’m sure all of y’all will be happy to know that Toy slept through both of them. However, Sisbooomba says that it sounded like the Octopus Garden was under machine gun attack with all the shingles from neighboring areas flying off houses and hitting hers. Then came that eerie calm as the eye passed overhead. Apparently, “eerie calm” doesn’t do justice to the event: no birds chirping, no insect noises; complete silence. Then the shingle bombardment started again as the back half of the storm passed over. At the end, Sisbooomba said “the place looked like Berlin after the war.” Streets and yards were covered in blown-off shingles, plus other debris from houses not so fortunate.
Like I said, the Octopus Garden is still standing, despite two dead-on direct hits from Brain Police hurricanes. All I can say, besides some silent prayers of gratitude, is “this is why I moved to ’Zona!” No goofy-ass weather problems: none of the hurricanes of the Octopus Garden, none of the frigid frostbite of Ice Station Zappa; just triple-digit heat waves that last 300 days of the year, which I merely view as a “warm-up” to what’s most likely in store for me in the Afterlife.
other Brain Police hostility against us
As if the four-pronged hurricane attack wasn’t bad enough, the following entry recently appeared on the website www.urbandictionary.com under the entry for Branch Floridians:
| Branch Floridians
Small and dangerous religious cult apparently run by someone known as the Reverend Fairinheight451, who may or may not also be the same person as the MSN troll Michelson-Morely. That MM is active in this cult is clear from the latter's references to the experiment on which he bases his nic. The group puts on a humorous, Situationist exterior but this covers a serious paranoia and a resultant cult complex. They believe a small clique is controlling the world, and publish a regular bulletin, "World Domination". Their name is a play on Branch Davidians, the name of the cult slaughtered at Waco. The antics of several characters with links to this group, which may be either indoctrinated cult members or multiple ID's of the cult leader, have caused havoc on Anarchist Alliance and other MSN groups, where they take their intolerant views to the point of accusing others without foundation of being Nazis and starting flame wars over trivial issues.
|
All I can say is, “what the phuq?!?”
It’s bad enough that someone is going around trolling chat boards using our name, but it’s worse when the flamed victims don’t do their homework on who we really are.
I’ve already contacted the real Reverend 451, who got a good chuckle out of it but otherwise disavowed any knowledge or culpability. And despite Rule 2 (‘deny everything’) I actually believe him.
Digging a little deeper, I found that the Michelson-Morley mentioned above is active on MSN’s “Anarchist Alliance” board, and has apparently created quite a few enemies. The following entry, including the leaking html code, from the “Christian Biblical Errancy Debate” discussion board, is symptomatic of the hate people have toward him, as well as the confusion he has caused between himself and us:
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From: <NOBR>KrOpOtKiNBaKuNiN1968</NOBR> (Original Message) Sent: 9/20/2004 12:52 AM
MICHELSON IS A FUCKING CUNT<o:p></o:p> Michelson came to Anarchist Alliance to troll. When he was losing the debate, he made up 6 more characters and used them to gang up on other members. He accused people of anti-Semitism for no reason, cos someone cited Proudhon’s “What is Property” and Proudhon somewhere else made anti-Semitic remarks. He accused one member of being a baby and called another one names for saying “so there” to him. He also teamed up with other people to prevent serious discussion and start flame wars, and accused innocent people of being members of far-right groups. Then he and his fake ID characters ganged up on other people in the group to get people booted. People who weren’t booted left in disgust. This was probably done on behalf of Sav, another conspiracy freak who got himself booted earlier by stalking other group members and generally acting like a Nazi.<o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p> Michelson thinks the environment doesn’t matter, that thieves should be murdered with shotguns and that the Wright Brothers’ descendants should own all the world’s wealth. He is a member of a tiny group called the Branch Floridians, a religious sect named after the Branch Davidians of Waco, which believes a small conspiracy is in charge of the world. And he might well think the X Files is a documentary.<o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p> His NIC Michelson-Morely comes from the name of an experiment which claimed to prove the earth is flat. His cult also appears to believe in the flat earth. <o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p> Michelson is a wanker and should be booted from all groups in revenge for what he did to Anarchist Alliance.<o:p></o:p> |
I have petitioned the Anarchist Alliance to let me talk to herr Michalson-Morely (you have to be approved to join) but have not heard back. Somehow, I’m not surprised.
My first guess is, of course, that this is a Brain Police scam to discredit us.
My second guess, of course, is that this is Chris PpAaPpAaSsAaDdEeRrOo getting revenge.
Details as they arise.
THIS JUST IN: mystery solved!
...meanwhile, in other news...
The Latest from Waco
On September 25th, Donald Feldpauch went to a government impound auction at Fort Worth and walked away with a ’68 Camaro. Feldpauch dropped $37,500 for the Chevy muscle car, despite there being some obvious damage to it: eleven years ago, an FBI tank ran over part of it.
The previous owner of the
Camaro was none other than David Koresh.
Despite the damage, the car was still drivable, and indeed was in good shape—other than the .
Koresh literally left his mark on the car: he hand-stamped “David’s 427 go God” on the 500-horsepower, 427-liter V-8 engine.
Feldpauch knew the history of the vehicle he was getting, but apparently that was neither an incentive nor deterrent. “What he did was horrible, but I don’t want to get into the politics of it. The Koresh name doesn’t bother me. I guess it’s sort of like buying a home after somebody committed a murder in it.”
So I gather the guy is just a motorhead looking for some slick testosteroverdrive, and not out to make some money off the car. I guess that’s acceptable. There are people out there who pick up cars specifically because of the stigma of the owner, with the intention of making a few fast bucks. This has happened before, with the the bullet-riddled Bonnie & Clyde death car being the best example. I also heard that someone once bought Ed Gein’s car, and charged people $5 to sit in it.
Me, if I had a couple ten-thou to bid, I’d have gone on the auction and gotten it. Obviously, I could have written it off as a Branch Floridian business expense for promotion/advertising. But since I don’t have that kind of cash to burn, you might say, I actually don’t regret it.
After all, it’s a Camaro. I have nothing but contempt for them, and wouldn’t own one if someone gave it to me.
By the way, Koresh owned many cars, but that black Camaro was his self-professed favorite. I actually heard him whine about not being able to drive it during the stand-off “negotiations.” He said he really missed it. Now Koresh was effectively a millionaire, and could (indeed, did) own any kind of car that he wanted.
Now, who’s not surprised that Koresh drove a Camaro? Show of hands, please.
Hmmmm, less than I expected, unless you figured him to have a Pontiac Firebird... But just in case, maybe I have to give...
The Camaro Peshar
I’m not into cars, so it’s natural that something like this might slip under my radar, because I just wasn’t looking for it. I did pick up the early clues, but probably discarded them as irrelevant coincidence, largely due to lack of interest. Fortunately, I first really became aware that there was something wrong with the Camaro back around ’91, while channel surfing and catching the tail end of Family Feud one bored night up back at Ice Station Zappa. The category was something like “if you could have any kind of car, what would it be?” The contestants had correctly guessed ‘Cadillac,’ ‘Rolls Royce,’ and ‘Porsche,’ and maybe a couple others, but one answer, the last, eluded both families. Now normally the audience gets to shout out the answers when they flip, but with this one they asked it, in patent disbelief:
“Camaro?”
You could hear the question mark, because I felt it myself: this overwhelming sense of, what the fuck?!?
Well, over the course of the evening, I worked it out.
Although my main problem with Camaros are the nuts behind the steering wheel, the car itself is deserving of derision, so let’s start there.
The two main muscle cars General Motors grinds out are the Corvette and the Trans Am. Both are pricey, and probably beyond the average American who’s living paycheck to paycheck. But when he was a kid, that same guy saw Smokey and the Bandit ten times, where the car was the real star, and he wanted that bad-ass black Trans that Burt had.
But he can’t afford it, so he settles for the Camaro.
The Camaro looks like a Trans, as does the Camaro’s sister, the Firebird, but doesn’t have the performance. That’s actually not the point; I’m focusing of the body style. The superficial shell is the same: they look almost identical. Especially by the ’90s, the three were (to my eye, at least) virtually indistinguishable. I think they’re all the same car with different decals on the back, but I’m not an autophile, so I might be wrong. I once got into this very argument with my arch-rival, DK—who, by the way, drives a beetle-green Trans Am. He assured me that they (’Ams and Camaros) looked nothing alike. “A Trans has a... uh... spoiler on it,,, and, uh... it... says ‘Trans Am’ on the back...”
Whew, daunting logic from the DK, worthy on several levels of an entry in the “damned by praise” dictionary. But it offhandedly underscores my point.
Folks, it’s no accident that the cup holders in a Camaro are just the right size for a bottle of ranch dressing. What’s more, I’ve already established the Brain Police’s Air bag/tape recording conspiracy, where it was determined that when a Camaro crashes, the stereo plays the message “go to the barber and get a mullet” to subconsciously control the driver. So Camaros are part of the conspiracy.
Admittedly, the Camaro is only as its designers had made it; it is but a cosmic pawn of bad karma to have been stigmatized as it is. So I can’t really blame the car itself, and to be honest, I don’t even blame the Brain Police agents in Pontiac, Michigan who drafted the design of this wanna-be hot rod. No, it’s the drivers that buy into the myth that are the real problem.
Let’s face it: The Camaro is the white trash Trans Am.
You don’t see gangstas or wiggers cruising around town bass-blasting Snoop Dogg in a Camaro. ’Necks also avoid them: you can’t mound a shotgun rack on the back window, and the ceiling contours are wrong for a Confederate flag. (Besides, when ’necks give up trucks and go muscle car, it’s for the Dukes of Hazard Dodge Charger.)
No, the Camaro is the car the Plebian Scum get when they’re not rich enough or cool enough to get a Trans Am.
You know it’s true: there’s a certain mentalset that seems to magnetically attract Camaros, and be attracted by them. These are those 2%ers that offset the Family Feud answers, the ones that actually have sort of a Camaro Cult. And who are these drivers, and why do they worship it? Brain Police research into the phenomenon proved conclusively a high percentage of drivers have mullets, so I’m not exaggerating to say that the Camaro is a mullet-mobile.
I’m sure that much of this comes as no surprise to astute B.F. readers, or even the populace at large. The Dead Milkmen knew what was up when they recorded “Bitchin’ Camaro.” Hell, there used to be a great website called mulletwatch.com or something. People would send in mullet pics, and they got bonus flax if the pic had the guy’s Camaro in it. It was a hoot. I can’t find the site, but I’ll there are tons out there like it.
But here’s an interesting tid-bit, that actually brings us full circle:
David Koresh had a mullet.
The pic to the right, taken ca. 1988, proves this, though of course later he cropped it to the more familiar scraggly Jim Morrison look. But even then, Koresh had grown out twelve long rat-tail-like locks in back, which he kept in tiny, tight braids. They represented the 12 tribes of Israel. I have a pretty good pic of this in one of the pulp exposés in storage, but don’t feel inclined to trawl through twenty cartons labeled “books” to find it. Anyway, I think this would count as a mullet.
So there you have it: Koresh, Camaro, Mullet...
I still think it would have been cooler and more apropos if he had a Firebird, though.
...in other other news...
New Recruits
How’s about a hearty, heart-warmin’ wekkum for our two newest recruits, and .
Panthera joins us from Indiana, but curiously lived in Waco until a few years before the Bad Happenings. No, she didn’t know or meet Koresh.
Setablaze will be heading up our Australian chapter, at last expanding our holdings to below the equator. I’ve already asked him to donate a wombat and perhaps a platypus to the BadAss zoo, so hopefully they’ll be arriving soon.
Reader Feedback
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NOW THAT'S WHAT I"M TALKIN' ABOUT when I say you have an encyclopedic grasp of this shit. Thank you for this microscopically academic history lesson. It was just what I was looking for. One question though. You think Israel is "illigitimate" because it does not have a decendent of David as king and a functioning temple? (I would guess there are dozens or hundreds of functioning temples in Israel) That seems like of a rather fundamental (or at least highly technical), view of the old testament. Should I run over the pedestrian because he has crossed against the light? — |
shade’s peshar
Glad to please, and hope I helped. My comment about the legitimacy of Israel hinging on a Davidic king and functioning Temple was sardonic. Perhaps your web browser filters irony; go to Tools/Options/View and uncheck ‘block sarcasm’. My point was: if the advocates for a state of Israel are basing their claims on the Bible, they’re being very selective and ignoring some of the required tenets. You’ll notice (or not) I distinguish between “Temple” and “temple.” Although there are indeed dozens to hundreds of temples (synagogues and mosques) in Israel, there was only one true Temple, in Jerusalem. The Romans trashed it in 70AD, and it has never been rebuilt to the specifications set out in 1st Kings. Some people might consider Al Aqsa the rebuilt Temple, but then again, a prime requirement was a Holy of Holies, ideally with the Ark of the Covenant inside under the Mercy Seat, which is clearly missing. My point, somewhat dryly, was, “if you’re going to do it, do it right.”
As for running over the jaywalking pedestrian, it depends on the situation. If the pedestrian is walking on the Sabbath, you’re probably okay, and indeed may even be obligated to run him over. On the Sabbath, the day of rest, no one is allowed to travel more than 1,000 steps (a “Sabbath’s-day Journey”) so if he’s gone beyond that, kill the blasphemer.
Reader Feedback
I think the people on the fox news show must be misinformed, because I do watch Fox occasionally, and I never once had the impression there was WMD's in or IRAQ, but lately some reporters have been talking like they were somehow informed of WMD's? Bush never gave me the impression he went into iraq for september 11 or for wmd's? and I never understood the correlation of Iraq to September 11th. The only correlation me and some friends have come up with is daddy Bush, and no we don't condemn Bush for wanting to finish what his daddy started. We are not proud of how he went into it either, but since he started it, it needs to be finished and correctly. I don't know about your state but in my state sqatters rights is 20 years. If you sit on a piece of property and there is no complaint for 20 years, its yours/ Speaking of which my fence is on my neighbors yard, its been there for over 20 years, but I have only had the property for 4 years does that mean I own the property due to squatters rights? or do I have to wait another 16 years because it changed owners hands? — |
shade’s peshar
For an excellent example of Fox bias, check out the movie Outfoxed.
Bush tried his dandiest to link Al Qaida/September 11 with Saddam, but no one but gullible Republicans and jingoistic Neocons bought it, and he’s since backed off it. WMDs were the excuse used to invade. He’s since backed off that, too.
And Bush accuses Kerry of waffling...
Squatters rights vary state to state, country to country. Wikipedia has an interesting commentary on this. I am not sure if there is a globally accepted legal standard, but doubt it. As for your fence, I doubt you could claim it, because it is beyond the surveyed bounds of what your property deed says.
Reader Feedback
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finally got my "puter" back up and running- read the latest and enjoyed it.....nice breakdown of Palentinian land history...my suggestion is to remove everyone, and I mean EVERYONE from the land and use it as a nuclear waste dumping site for world wide nuclear power plants......thereby removing the biggest block from using that energy source (getting rid of the waste materials), solving part of our oil dependent crisis and eliminating dependance on that whole area, and making it UNINHABITABLE FOR ANYONE for several thousand years!...but that's just my opinion. — |
shade’s peshar
Another plus to your suggested solution is that pilgrims returning from the Holy Land would be glowing from the experience, thus validating their claims of enlightenment. I guess we could give archaeologists 3-ply rad suits so they could continue digs.
Reader Feedback
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saint,
great commentary on the whole jerusalem thing. that whole fiasco goes beyond understanding entirely, but nice job on breaking it down to educate the dipshits out there who probably have no clue about its complexity. The religious background i am fairly familiar with, but maybe in another WDU you could explore the USA and its affiliation w/ Israel. I have yet to hear or read objective historical opinion as to the pros/cons/origination of our political relationship with them in the first place (besides normal bar room banter about jews controlling the economy, military defense contracts, blah blah blah.) I will be back in town in 20-30 days. — ps...congrats on your Jonestown piece. |
shade’s peshar
The Jonestown Report is now on-line, carrying not only my piece (which editor Fielding McGehee gave the cute title “Shredding the Suspect List on Q875”) but others that have much more insightful commentary that I could ever hope to provide.
I agree with you that there is a lot of misinformation about the whole Palestine/Israel subject, some of it honest ignorance, some of it intentional bias. As you point out, bar banter is not the best place to get your facts, with Rich and his horseshit being the best worst-case scenario that comes to mind. Not to mention your average, random asshole who believes The Protocols of Zion are real and will talk your ear off about it if you buy him a beer...
On a related topic, I started to “explore the USA and its affiliation w/ Israel” in my previous piece on Canaan, so since you asked, I’ll recap and expand.
The Christian Right and Israel
The Brain Police brand of Christianity has as its central tenet that the Bible, as accepted today, is literally the Word of God, and all parts of it are true. Although the Bible has many prophecies about the End of the World, it is commonly accepted among Christians that these all can be harmonized as showing different smaller aspects of the grand picture presented in Revelation. One of the central events of Revelation is the return of the Messiah—the second coming of Jesus—which Christians have been waiting with bated breath for about two thousand years to happen. Although all Christians expect this to happen eventually, Brain Police Christians want this to happen now, or at least within their lifetime.
Israel as both a people and a land mass features prominently in Revelation. There has to be a nation of Israel with lots of Jews living in it for Revelation to be true. What the Brain Police haven’t told their lassoed masses is that once Jesus comes back, anybody that isn’t already a Christian or doesn’t convert immediately is phuqed. This would include the Jews and Palestinians. In a worst case (ie: phundamentalist/literalist interpretation favored by Calvinists) only 144,000 people get saved (Rev. 14:1).
In reality, the Brain Police don’t give a rat’s ass about Israel; they are just using it as a stepping stone to bring about the Second Coming. Once He shows up, the Jews—and everyone else—can burn for all they care.
I gather most Americans have some sort of sympathy for Israel simply because it is familiar. America is overwhelmingly Christian, these people have read the Bible, and they know terms such as “Jew” and “Israel.” American ignorance of Islam is pathetic—post-9/11 attitudes amply showed that—so they tend to disregard Palestinian/Islamic claims on the land partly out of ignorance, and partly because there is no Scriptural basis for it. That’s understandable, since the New Testament was written about 500 years before Mohammed’s ministry.
I still think that Israel was created largely out of guilt: after Hitler killed six million Jews, this was the sop tossed to them in recompense.
Reader Feedback
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I was reading the Saint's Sermon on Philemon, and have a different take on why this particular book is appreciated by the Church, and why it was put in the Bible. To me, the whole book is a metaphor...Onesimus is mankind, and Philemon is Jesus/God/the Church. As we have free will, we're literally free to walk away from the Church and have a fine old time, enjoying life, and not worrying about anything. However, Paul wants us to--like Onesimus--voluntarily sign ourselves up for a life of servitude to our saviour, our God, and our religious rules and doctrines. As being a slave back then was the 'right' thing to do for Onesimus, being a slave to God (and the Church!) is the 'right' thing for Christians. — |
saint’s peshar
Wow, interesting call! To further support your train of thought, recall that Paul starts off his epistles to the Romans, Philippians, and Titus with “Paul, a slave of Christ Jesus....” The term in these is usually translated in English as ‘servant’, but the Greek word
douloV is the same word used in ‘slaves obey your masters,’ in Colossians 3:22 etc. A similar phenomenon exists in the Old Testament, where Moses and David are called “servents of the Lord” (Deuteronomy 34:5, Psalm 18.1, etc.) but the same Hebrew word elsewhere is translated as “slave.” Paul even says Jesus took the form of a slave (Philippians 2:7). But to back up your point, recall Galatians 3:28, where he says “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Here I don’t think Paul was was referring to the physical world, but the spiritual, so there might be something to what you say on a higher level.However, the Epistle of Philemon unquestionably was meant to address a physical situation. If it was intentional to have the higher metaphor you intend, that’s open to debate. Paul frequently does use ambiguous language to get the double meaning, so it’s not out of the question. But you may have something with your logic on how it was chosen to be interpreted, and why it was kept. The obvious implication—that Paul is potentially condemning an escaped slave to death and at least a life of continued servitude—is a pretty disturbing conclusion, so it makes sense that people would have to sugar coat this to make it more palatable.
shade’s peshar
Friedrich Nietzche once said “Christianity is a slave’s religion.” As usual, he was right for the wrong reasons.
The sermon on Philemon came about as a second case of deja vú where I had the same conversation with several different people within the span of a week. That’s usually a sign that I need to delve into the subject in an Update. In this second case, the subject, broadly, had to do with the Bible’s attitude toward slavery. And since we’re on that subject via Philemon, it might just be worth veering into that area for a few paragraphs...
The Bible and Slavery
First and foremost, let me be blunt: I think the idea of actually owning a human being is ridiculous. Kiki doesn’t like that bird.
Unfortunately...
The Bible is unquestionably in favor of slavery, both in the Old and New Testament. This is understandable, given the mindset of 2,000+ years ago. In the Roman empire, slavery was legal, and indeed of the two million people living in the city of Rome, half of them were slaves.
Backing up in the Bible to the Old testament, God apparently endorses slavery as an institution. Just after the Flood, Noah got drunk and passed out naked. His youngest son Ham (the father of Canaan) went in and made fun of his dad, and when Noah finally woke up, he cursed him (or at least the Children of Ham): “Cursed be Canaan, a slave of slaves shall he be to his brothers.” (Genesis 9:24) Technically Noah made this curse, but it was the Lord who enforced it.
Interesting side note: this passage was entered into the Congressional record in the Antebellum debates about the African slave trade, where Southern senators argued that the children of Ham were Africans (their dark skin akin to the Mark of Cain) and thus the whole mess was Divinely inspired.
When Jewish law became codified under Moses, there were extensive sections regulating slavery (Exodus 21:1-11, Leviticus 25:39-55, Deuteronomy 15:12-18.) Interestingly, Hebrews could own other Hebrews as slaves, but only for six years. Jewish parents could also sell their children into slavery. I find that curious, because the Jews spent several generations as slaves in Egypt; you’d think they would have been soured by the whole experience and done away with it.
Moving to the New Testament, I’ve already pointed out the abundant number of quotations (all from Paul) that not only endorse slavery, but say that a slave’s place is at his master’s side and said slave should—indeed must—obey. Like I said, that is the whole point of Philemon.
It is telling that Jesus never spoke out against slavery. The closest I am aware of was his comment on paying taxes: “give to Caesar what is Caesar’s.” In other words, obey the law. Slavery was part of the law.
The Bible is consistently in favor of slavery as an institution, and this is one of my sticking points with it, as well as what I see as proof that it is a Brain Police control mechanism. But if you’re one of those phundamentalist types that buys the Inspired brand, it’s there, like it or not. Doubtless they put some type of spin on it to make it all work out cozy in their minds, much the same way as people rationalize that Thomas Jefferson could write “all men are created equal” yet own slaves himself. But the Bible does endorse slavery, and indeed God’s own view on it is pretty clear:
For to me the people of Israel are slaves, they are my slaves whom I brought forth out of the land of Egypt; I am the L ord your God.Leviticus 25:55 |
Scary stuff, and one that reinforces the Control Mechanism.
Ask Evil Matt
The Evil One fields your queries, as channeled by Sister Ob’dewlla ‘X’.
Q:
What's the difference between brown sugar and white sugar?A: Brown sugar is just white sugar that has a
small portion (3.5 to 6.5%) of molasses added.
Q: What is the
difference between the Anglican Church and the Episcopalian? A: Short version: location—an Episcopalian is
an Anglican outside of England.
Long version: The Anglican Church is most often called
“the Church of England,” and was formed by Henry VIII in 1531 when
Pope Clement VII refused to grant him a divorce. At that time, the main
feature of the Anglican Church is that it is ultimately run by the Monarch of
England, not the Pope in Rome. As for “Episcopalian,” this gets
more tricky.
The
Anglican Church is episcopalian in structure, in that it has bishops, but there
is the curious matter of having the Monarch in charge. Whatever the case,
after the American Revolution, Anglicans realized they couldn’t really be in the
Church of England if they were no longer part of England. They began
calling themselves Episcopalians, but were functionally Anglican. This
phenomenon is popular in Commonwealth Countries, such as Canada, Australia, and
New Zealand.
By Harriet the Hedgehog
Got a question?
.
And finally,,,
Noteworthy news item from The Register:
Published Thursday 30th September 2004 11:01 GMT
A Japanese man died after a bite from his pet hamster caused anaphylactic shock, Mainichi Shimbun reports. The nameless forty-something succumbed after repeated bites from the animal sensitised his immune system to such a degree that the final mouthful provoked a fatal bout of asthma.
An autopsy proved that the victim had suffered an acute reaction to protein contained in the homicidal hamster's saliva. Shortly after the assault, he began to cough and wheeze. By the time he reached Saitama Red Cross Hospital, his heart and lungs had ceased to function.
Hospital doctor Kazuya Kiyota noted that although 17 cases of pet-induced anaphylaxis had been reported in Japan since 1995, death as a result was rare. Whether al-Qaeda or the black ops arm of the CIA are taking an interest in the mammalian Nikita is not noted. ®
“Oh,
that’s no ordinary
hamster...”
Harriet’s Peshar
Folks, if you don’t know (or can’t read between the lines,) that was no accident, but a hamster assassination. The victim, Kirin Suntory Asahi, was a Brain Police agent who was part of the plot by beavers to take over the world. Asahi posed as an importer/exporter of fine furs, but this was just to explain his constant contact with the renegade beaver colony on Tiera del Fuego. He had planned to bring some of the buck-toothed rodents into Japan, ostensibly for breeding, but really to start the beaver infiltration into Asia.
Fortunately, Japanese hamsters are on to the beavers, and had ninja hamster hit squads all over Nippon looking for Asahi. This was a preemptive strike, and since Asahi was obviously a spy for the bad side, falls within fair play from the hamster p.o.v.
’Course, them Jap hamsters have always had world domination schemes of their own, and obviously don’t want the beavers butting in on their territory.
Interesting side-note to this story. This actually happened back in February, in Saitama. Asahi had been traveling heavily between Tokyo and Buenos Aires in the months before his death. On his return flights, he would always have a day layover in Hawaii. Beaver sightings at Pearl Harbor rose dramatically during this time.
That’s it for now, folks; and y’all know the drill:
Trust no one
Deny